Hip Hop Forum

im in a league of my own so who stoppin me hater/
a lot of cats want beef so my shots get catered/
my money stretch like a limo who pockets greater/
only bitches talk shit when intoxicated/
beleive it or not i rap for the love and the fun/
but ass kissers get smacked wit the butt of the gun/
see the game all gimmicks it's a shame yall in it/
got a new 22 i call it my small emmitt/
wit the city on my back they know im gone win it/
and dont worry bout ya girl she aint givin out back shots/
shes workin on computers giving my laptop/

i dont know just an off the top kinda thing

You're an obvious beginner, but not bad for some amatuer type shit, better than my first shit when I started out, I'd suggest learning how to count bars, Listening to heavyweight lyricists, this shit seemed very modern Lil' Wayne influenced type simple shit, fuck with cats like Big Pun, Big L, Royce Da 5'9", old Eminem, lyrical cats, study the fundamentals and keep improving your craft.

I second Phasewon. Don't adopt anyone's style though, make your own. The "22 Emmitt" line sounded exactly like something Wayne would say.

I cosign with the Phasewon when I say that you have some skill in rhyming but you need to develop your technique. It sounded gay to me when I first started out when people asked me where the substance was at in my rhymes; I just wanted to spit punchlines and didn't want to hear that s***. But it takes way more skill to actually string together a slew of lines that have sting, deeper meaning (even if that meaning is shallow at times, it can be so much more potent if you put your mind into it) and stand out lyrically from your peers including mainstream artists).

You sound alot like Lil Wayne or a battle rapper from Philly in that your approach is generic and there's nothing unique about the 'way you kill' or the 'way you f*** b****es'. Shallow or deep, whatever your topic, you gotta improve your delivery, swagger and lyricism. Worship Big L and you'll advance quicker lol

Either way, this freestyle was still above average for a beginner so keep workin at it and keep droppin, 1.

Phasewon wrote:You're an obvious beginner, but not bad for some amatuer type shit, better than my first shit when I started out, I'd suggest learning how to count bars, Listening to heavyweight lyricists, this shit seemed very modern Lil' Wayne influenced type simple shit, fuck with cats like Big Pun, Big L, Royce Da 5'9", old Eminem, lyrical cats, study the fundamentals and keep improving your craft.

Honestly, this is the best advice for you right now. Take that, come back with another piece after you let yourself expand some, then we can get at more for you to work with.

One.

good look wit all the advice i appreciate the feed and criticism im workin on somethin right now so ill post soon