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social outkast

Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 11:55 pm
by Deception
so sick of life, a hatred with passion, fuck a knife/
ill use words for my progression to stop pain an strife//
way back in 94, when my pockets were full, selling drugs/
facing rejection of the people, sterotypicaly im a thug//
started double dropping and smoking, left me using,stuck/
in a ditch, constant taste of green filling my lungs//
stuck in my nose the smells of a cocktail of chemicals/
paranoia grows, anxiety leaving like a dawg without testicles//
crowds shout at me, staring and all those whispers standing out/
many not directed at me, but my anxiety problems didnt help//
stood shaking, sick of the hatred of constant depression/
trying to distance myself, lone worrior, using deception//
till i wound up back on the streets, kurbs my pillow like before/
a blanket that smelt of the rain that was showering down like meteors//
crushing my world, a soul that could fit into your pocket easily/
a constantly fighting, and when i wasnt, my life wasnt easy frequently//
lifes a battle, truth is i can still taste the mud on my lips/
iv been knocked down and back so many times im used to this shit//
time to move forward but these stairs still climb, start to struggle/
still aint fully recoverd, but when i do ill right ya'll a bible//
to express my pain, misery and hatred for standing up for whats right//
even when your a socail outkast you must still turn dark to the bright//
i know its hard when you hit rock bottom trust me ive seen it all, got my heart peirced
deflated and thrown out, til another day/
but found the will to come back, coz i aint throwing this game away//

Re: social outkast

Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 12:03 am
by IntrinsicCadence
Like it. Real expressive. Unveiled experiences. You got a bit of internal rhyming this time, a bit more consistency with em might have improved the flow of this a bit. But when your expressing real life situation sometimes it can be hard to make internal rhymes come natural when u wanna make sure the experience is getting across. But other than that one point for reflection, otherwise this is a stellar piece.

Re: social outkast

Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 12:07 am
by Deception
thanks Intrinsic

Re: social outkast

Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 4:48 am
by QwarterZ
this was cool I liked a majority of it some of it was eh when you started showing promise was the chemical testicle flip. I like how that cam together a smooth flow here and there I suggest you check it before you drop it next time get the vibe of saying and then more then likely it'll come across as a much more solid piece...nice drop though my dude keep it up

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Re: social outkast

Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 5:03 am
by Deception
cheers qwarterz