Hip Hop Forum

Thinking of turning this into a track with a collab but cant find or make the right beat... I need something brassy.. well if at first you dont make a hot beat... try again. Here it is....

(Intro) We Struggle... Black men.. White men... All men.. in the game... We struggle.. We look for that one source.. That kick and that snare... That magical delivery and wizardry.. Harry potter... The true magic.. Prophecies tell of one lyricist who can relieve us... The poet.

(Verse 1)
Time couldnt afford a job but he paid the price
Racing ahead...Chasing the bread... Ended up with life.
Time did Time for crimes of life.
See Time was a product of jesus christ.
The reason we have A.D. and B.C.
Turned around spittin acid.. AC/DC.
Rhythem.. Product of.. Do you remember the time?
When fell in love with hip hop music define.
Opened up ya glass box.. shattered.. Easy to find
Knock ya speaker box.. Musical inclined
In the Height of rap an enheightened snap
of a snare... mixed with care.. insightful rap!
See rap was the rebel.. Turned on his father.
Lyricism didnt need Jazz. He said Why bother?
Said forget his mother, he dropped the funk as a todler.
But still shitted on his brother, rock and became a Monster.
Slowly he started to become them.
They phased in with him at the snap of a drum rim.
Thought hip hop was distorted... later it was never Equal.
Drowned in autotune in this movie's Sequel..
They never thought that it would come down to this
I mean Dumbdown to this... in a Confounded twist.
Simple raps getting praise... All this crap getting plays
Single cell organisms riding in Escalades.
We need to take control before this shit Escalates
Skyscrapes to the surface... Warren G... regulate
call obama up.. rap need a bail out..
We litterally stuck in prison... let the whole jail out!
Gators..Crocs..and snakes.. let they tail out.
Hiding..rivers..and lakes.. just know they Scales out.
Sheets of hot music written that never saled out..
But they do anything to they sould to Sell out.
Congressmen quick let the whole Jail out..
And quit putting out bullshit laws(raps) ya TALE OUT!

(Hook)
Look I just...(showed yall the way)
Will you BREAK IT... HANDLE IT!!(or)
SHAKE IT ... DISMANTLE IT. (x2)

Its seems they only dream
Is chasing the greem
(BREAK IT...HANDLE IT...
SHAKE IT.. DISMANTLE IT)
Tryna name be the best cash crop
So maybe they can Stash Growp
(BREAK IT...HANDLE IT...
SHAKE IT.. DISMANTLE IT) (x2)

Honestly, I was about to walk away from this scatching my head, but I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt and kept reading. I was amazingly surprised by the abstract content of this piece. You made music sound like a person that went through phrases. It got quite intriquing as you added in other genres. It had sort of a Digable Planet feel to it.

Not quite sure about the hook, but the desciptions in this piece kept me interested.

Not bad my man. Mad potential in the writing department.

I hope u stick around in these forums and try to up ur skill by reading other peoples drops and by reflecting on feed u get on ur drops, cuz u def got potential in ur writing style- no doubt about that. I enjoyed this drop, thought it had some elements that were creative as hell. I especially liked the portion in the middle where u were bringing in the various music genres, though I was kinda hoping that when u shifted into hip-hop u would've highlighted the influence these other styles of music had on hip-hop (especially in the realm of how producers use snippets from all these past songs to create beats with a totally new kinda flavor). When, at the end of the verse, u shifted into the talk about hip-hop specifically, I wasn't really feelin it anymore. And I didn't really like the hook much either, seemed kinda shallow compared to what u were tryin to do in the verse, and just didn't match up well with the verse imo. But like I said man, u def got potential as a writer/rhymer, this piece just needs a bit of trimming, and a bit more focus in some parts, and it'd have the potential to be a killer drop.

The hook has a hidden meaning behind it.

Thank you guys for the feedback... All i want to do is become a better lyricist.

keep it up bro. theres some good lines with lots of imagery in here. im with cadence ten fold on this one. stick around bro. learn from others and let us learn from you. keep dropping homie.

I like the overall message, and some of your lines pop out and stick in my mind. "Simple raps getting praise... All this crap getting plays
Single cell organisms riding in Escalades." Sums up a big chunk of the popular "hip hop" that comes out these days. I'd really like to read more of your words over time, see how you progress.

I do think the hook needs some work, but maybe I'm just missing the point.

Overall, good work.

Time couldnt afford a job but he paid the price
Racing ahead...Chasing the bread... Ended up with life.

Way to start it off. good drop that maintained a level of depth and connection throughout the flow.