Hip Hop Forum

first things first,
i know the hooks off, i'm probably gonna scratch it but none the less. looking for feed on the verses


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i dont get to upload shit very often so here is what i got on soundclick

First off, I love this classic beat, Jedi Mind Tricks

Now on to business, 2nd:
at about 0.24, the line about defeat, I can't really understand what your saying, all I hear is Defeat..dah dah..Defeat, I think you could mix that up with some other words that rhyme with defeat, since that is all your gonna hear with your rhyme pattern in that particular area of the song.


Your lyrics (How I hear it)
But they aint me - and if I could be - I set(?) the defeat
Just to see - how they - weather defeat

My lyrics (How I am thinking)
Fully teched - state of the art - they be obsolete
Hard to break - call me - pre-stressed concrete
then go into how your rhymes have stand the test of times to tie into your flow again where you go into the whole king thing 2 bars down.

3rd, the hook

almost blew my speakers with that monster line, need to do something bout that, not cool.

4th, Hook is off as you said

5th, I don't like the sound of verbal diseases, but that's just me. I would probably not sing a hook with it in it

6th, you should cut down your tracks to just your vocals before you up them, makes it easier for us to click around the track if the bar is to scale with your actual rhyming and not 4 minutes of track

Like your flow though, as far as the verses go. Did not care for hook.

-eLmo

this was not bad, i could tell you were loosing your breath in some parts, so work on your breath control. Your flow is good, i really liked it. The hook was really off lol, didn't like it all. I ain't good at hooks either so i feel ur pain lol.

Overall this was iight, keep working.

for the type of beat and all, dont have alot of styles to delivery but i think alittle more energy on the delivery would have been nice... the hook is just not what i like at all.. could have done better on it.. you and i both know... lyrics are ok.. 7/10 for this