Hip Hop Forum

they say we have the capability

but whats the probability

of me gettin the utility

while im goin through these fucked up facilities

are you even fucking hearing me

they say what dont kill you make you stronger

but whats the point of livin longer

if it feels like they scrathed out yo life with a permanent marker

i have no life but A life

brother with a B life

one life

no in reality it is no life

Life been takin by the PLAYGROUND

shot up by these depressing rounds

now im in the corner sittin on the ground

knees up, arms crossed up, with my head down

lookin like a sad clown

with a depressin frown

bout to cut my self with a razor

couldnt stop me if you had a tazor

Got love for my bros but fuck all da hatas

bout to cause my self bodily harm

to my arms

make my arms look like the field of a farm

yeah i know it aint no pretty scene

but do you know orignally what SLA means

Slicing Legs n Arms

yeah it aint no charm

they say the Devil mean but reality is meaner

blood runnin off my arms to the end of the fingers

heart cryin out for someone to love it i guess you can call it a singer

blood runnin low

face losin its glow

curtins closin

its the end of the show

i take one more blow, then take a bow

fuck it fuck it..my life is out

This was alright, had a nice poetry feel to it, would probably belong in the poetry section more than here. Has potential.

It def had a poetic feel to it but a nice mellow beat with somesort of strings and a mild drum rythem could really bring out everything you are saying....I really enjoyed how the intensity of it grew as a whole towards the end....there where some spots where you could have worked on your wording when opening up your next line which was pretty much the biggest literary problem I see in this....aside from that for anyone who believes what I believe yea there is a proper way to do things but when emotion is the primary energy being utilized for the message you can't really tell someone what the proper way to feel is you know.....I mean we are not machines or have monotone emotions you know....so when it comes to emotion and conveying said emotion you can't really limit it....keep posting and dont forget to feed

appreciate da feed...its something i wrote about 2 years ago that i figured i would put out there but it definitely helps

blood runnin off my arms to the end of the fingers

heart cryin out for someone to love it i guess you can call it a singer

blood runnin low

face losin its glow

curtins closin

its the end of the show

All you needed to end the piece, everything else was unnecessary. Pretty nice drop, keep droppin'

thank you...i'll keep that in mind next time