Hip Hop Forum

you ever been blamed for sometihng you didnt do?//
you start to feel bamboozald and totally screwed//
but i must use my brain as a tool//
never thought i'd be here fucked up, fooled and shit on//
these last two weeks i feel like i've been snuffing free-on//
they have there lies and herisy hanging over my head//
feels like they wont stop til im off the streets or dead//
just trying to stay clean and get fed//
should i say fuck it and shoot myself in the head//
come on nick...that would only help them out//
and your damn sure not about//
to just give up and drop out//

(chorus)
i want justice!..all this herisy!//
i want justice!..wanna see them bleed!//
coulda just letf me be!
coulda just left me be!......now all i want is JUSTICE!

very simplistic but it seems like you're a beginner. honestly i can't tell. i don't know whether to review this as a beginner's post or an advanced writer's post. tell me and i'll get ya some feed.

just getting back into it...wanna brush up the skills
mostly into making beats

ahhh... alright then.

well this is a very simple piece. pretty deep concept but for JUST getting back into it... it's wasn't terrible. obviously could be brushed up on.

what i suggest is the try not to be too simplistic with wording and rhyming. obviously don't try to be dope in a week or so but try to be a tiny bit more complex.

well....yeah....i do need more practice!

Yeah man, the shape is there, just fill it in a bit. Keep posting , stay up.

thanks

I think you did alright on this one...I liked the fact you had some more complx words then the last post of yours I fed....overall I liked that you expressed your emotions and like the others said just keep writing youve got potential

some mistakes in there but not bad.

yo, im articulate//
i ignite and ingage with your inner ribcage
im elevated and on the first stage, incarcerated wordplay
ill shift the storm, to going your way
im cooking brain
like a evil surgeon , im the masked killa you'll never find the identity of this masked person
ill sweep the carpet under your feet like it was your platform,
this aint wes craven but im a monster in that form
the omen is unborn, ill leave you tongue tied like you was saying TWISTED up words

just a quick freestyle feedback