Hip Hop Forum

I vomit nails and I spit cancer
With one look I’ll give ya more viruses than strip dancers
When I was young my mother tried to abort me
Jabbing chainsaws to her womb but the spikes would supports me
i can see where you're going with the last line, but it didn't quite work. The strip dancers line is nice though. Ok for an opener.
Looking deep in my eyes, you know I linger Hell
I give a back scratch with razor blade finger nails
I’m more alarming than a ringing bell
I brought Satan’s head into kindergarten for a bring ‘n tell
bring n' tell is a stretch on your rhyme scheme man. Other than that, its got good flow, simple multies, so effective overall.
I sing it well, swinging twelve battle axes
And I rattle hatchets in my hand to cut the shackle latches off me
I rest in caskets and sleep in spiked beds
Barbed wire is my blanket and my pillow is a swiped head
rhymes picked up a little here, but i felt like you focused too much on rhymes, and stop telling the story, or pushing it forward. It read as filler does.
I shoot butcher knives from outta the wrist
Shatter ya fist with sledge hammers dropped off the cliffs
Pluck my teeth and carve a pen so I could write the venom
I made the devil deaden with my fangs, my bite behead ‘em
graphic <- yes, effective<-- eh... As a closer its ok, but honestly as a summery it just tells me your "ill" with it in a demonic menner.


Good post overall, different approach as your title states. Nice read, keep dropping, and drop real feed, none of this one sentence shit. Be Easy