Hip Hop Forum

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/lost- ... ml#p163852

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/glimp ... ml#p163853

Fair warning to those without a college degree/
End up like me, working for Chucky Da Cheese/
And to my guidance counselor, I’m sorry ever I doubted you/
Bout a hundred degrees inside of this goddamn mouse suit/

Costume gives me a rash, stuck in this foul predicament/
So I rub it with liniment and I contemplate ended it/
My hatred for minimum wage days is infinite/
only Coke & Rum will ever be dimming it/

Tortured by dreams of a tour bus and Porsches I ain’t affording/
So I walk my punk ass on back to the Taurus/
On my way home where wifey treats me like a tourist/
Her and dude on the couch where she’s screaming for “more dick!”/
Got me wondering if should I divorce or outsource it/

She screams “I’m innocent!” but I ain’t buying that/
Dude’s tripping like “Who the hell is this giant rat?”/
I tell him he’ll get his answer right after I find my gat/

Reach for the Mossberg, blow them to pieces like a crossword/
Getting murdered by a Disney reject must feel hella awkward/
High-speed chase on the highway with the whirly-bird chopper/
A rodent headed to heaven cause he ain’t doing time for manslaughter/

hillarious titel. nice structure and rhymes dude.

your structure was alright....the biggest thing I see is your style would read and sound so much better if you utilized multis....you did a good job on staying on topic...I would say I liked this verse but I wasnt feeling the topic at all and I didnt find it humorous...not everyone is going to like what you write about tho....other then that I dont have anything else to say.keep posting I will look for some of your other verses

I have to agree. Structure I liked, but I wasn't really feeling the topic. Keep it up though, i'd like to hear some more

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Pree deece, not much more I can add to what kills and fatal said. Ending was probly the best in my opinion

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