Hip Hop Forum

I hear the...sound of SEX in every tone of YOUR VOICE//
and as you whisper in my ear,I know the MOMENT is MOIST//
I feel your breath....girl-theres a WARMTH to your BODY//
and that perfume that your wearing,is being worn by a GODDESS//
I feel like OOH!......"WHAT CAN I DO?"//
you see I can't help but SMILE,when I'm LOOKING at YOU//
because your BEAUTIFUL,....and INTELLIGENT TOO.//
Every CONVERSATIONS RELEVENT,your an ELEGANT MUSE//
so Who the HELL could REFUSE,to spend a moment in your PRESENCE//
some would DIE for an ETERNITY,I'm just here until its BREAKFAST//
...NO DISRESPECT...-We agreed it was PREFRENCED//
that this is only SEX,and there'd be MENTION of X's//
I am loving the ESSENCE,the atmosphere is ALIVE//
and all that SEXUAL TENSION,has me feeling your VIBES//
you see that look in your eyes,as your feel on your thighs//
sensually suggest what it is your WILLING to TRY//


****I felt like I had to redeem myself from the last attempt Im sure this is alot cleaner


http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/darkness-vt20827.html
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/red-w ... 20847.html

smooth rap i liked the first lines and the middle the most
i think it improved

Really liked the rhyme scheme you used, the flow was really on point, a little bit towards the end when the lines started to wear thin took away from the flow a little bit, but it was still very evident.

Also liked the vocab you used, obviously on a topic like this you shouldn't be using an excess of vocab, so I thought the 2-3 above-average words you used helped it quite a bit and the multi's you used with them played off well.

you see I can't help but SMILE,when I'm LOOKING at YOU//
because your BEAUTIFUL,....and INTELLIGENT TOO.//
Every CONVERSATIONS RELEVENT,your an ELEGANT MUSE//

^^my favorite bar and a half, using elegant muse was very original.

If you use a similar topic in the future I would try and up the imagery, it was definitely there, but for example; when you used moist, it was descriptive but I think you could have gone more in depth, paint a better picture if you know what I mean.

Overall, nice drop, really felt it, think it would fit audio nice as well.