Hip Hop Forum

4 bars
House rules
Due midnight

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Check check...put your money on me, I'm the best bet
I'm just a little bored right now, call me a tech deck

He told me how rough his hood is, you aint hard, you a girl
His directions led me to an invisible block, fuck is this? Mario World?'

You're breathalyzer ugly, girls get drunk fore they blow you
and I ain't even hatin, I'm just sayin...Goku

Your rap career is like counterstrike...I'm just being honest
Purely computer based and runs out of STEAM before it launches

Lees girl looks like a Troll/
Cause shes so fat she rolls/

Jenk bout to be Taken like a bank/
Thats what you get for being fake/

Hes trying to RULE/
But he said NEVER AGAIN would he look like a fool/

He should CROSS HIS HEART cause he bout to die/
For going down an Ally with closed eyes/

Rule- Ja Rule
NEVER AGAIN- ja's has a song called never again

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

money..once again your punches just didn't hit cause you need more complex scheme or wittier vocab...you are trying and getting better though...
Leeroy was more clever with his punchlines and although niether really had personals nor was there any name play but overall....
MVGT:Leeroy Jenkins

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/omnie ... ml#p166919
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/murk- ... ml#p166928

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/benny ... ml#p166925



http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/murk- ... 21519.html

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Aight, since I'm fans of both of you, I'll break this down proper...

Jenkie's verse

Check check...put your money on me, I'm the best bet
I'm just a little bored right now, call me a tech deck

In all honesty fam, this is more self-hype than any kind of diss or punchline, so it shouldnt be here.

He told me how rough his hood is, you aint hard, you a girl
His directions led me to an invisible block, fuck is this? Mario World?'

This is pretty funny and clever, but not really a direct punch AT Money. Still effective though.

You're breathalyzer ugly, girls get drunk fore they blow you
and I ain't even hatin, I'm just sayin...Goku

See above. Oh, and you might to explain any references like this in the future, just in case someone has no clue what you're talking about...

Your rap career is like counterstrike...I'm just being honest
Purely computer based and runs out of STEAM before it launches

This is another aight punch, but not directed at him. Other than more direct punchlines and maybe throwing more wordplay and/or nameflips in your verse, you're on the money. Pun intended. Lol.


$'s verse

Lees girl looks like a Troll/
Cause shes so fat she rolls/

You could say this about anyone, and this is like elementary school jokes, you feel me? Gotta be more clever with it.

Jenk bout to be Taken like a bank/
Thats what you get for being fake/

Multi's could help your flow out, not that it's off, but it's another element you could use... See above concerning your punchline.

Hes trying to RULE/
But he said NEVER AGAIN would he look like a fool/

How is this a diss? A little wordplay is involved, but nothing really hitting on the punchline tip.

He should CROSS HIS HEART cause he bout to die/
For going down an Ally with closed eyes/

Um....

Rule- Ja Rule
NEVER AGAIN- ja's has a song called never again

Money, let me give you an idea of what's good... http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/text- ... t3038.html
Read that link. It should help you get more of an idea about how to develop your bars. Im sure after reading that, you will notice alot of difference in your lines...

My vote goes to Jenkies. Better punchlines. Ups to both of you. Keep the battles coming. One.

hard for me to break this one down but... a ok battle

punches-none
flow-leeroy
deliverence-leeroy
creativity-none

mvgt-leeroy

i think both need more structure and build more of an stand point between flow and complexity... but good batte guys

3-0 KO

good battle lets close it

Thread closed and records updated.

Leeroy wins KO.