Hip Hop Forum

Posted: **Tue Jun 14, 2011 6:20 pm**

Im so far gone like drake
that my mind takes time to relate to me
mistakes are first made, then a couple days get away from me
all them things wasnt real that I said, just pretend to me
faking me instead, Im in and out my head,
take it easy's what they say to me
sorry im too hard in my heart
im not a part of the smore, thats the center piece
Or the cookie, u stupid! And sweeter than a cavity
my thoughts are darker than chocolate, bars dropping on any beat
talking shit leave you scarred like the face on Montana be
slash you like enemies get assasinated while holding keys
Im taking all your Army to hell! Who goes with me?
Yall better flee like the guards all sleeping in jail
im so far gone, going strong on a motion spree picturing sails
flowing free spitting imagery tales
floating across the seven seas where my destiny dwells

Posted: **Wed Jun 15, 2011 12:52 am**

this is more of a poem than a rap as i read it.. but its a good start.. structure of bars kinda threw the flow for a loop.. while some bars had no rhyme to em. needs work.. but keep it coming man.. the only way to better ones self is to continue on with the struggle

Posted: **Wed Jun 15, 2011 2:37 am**

Yeah, I agree with Def, man. It read poetically in some parts. You gotta tighten those bars up too, man. Lyrically, your bars are knd of hollow, seems like more of a freestyle to me. Just work, man. Not really a bad piece at all.

Posted: **Wed Jun 15, 2011 4:54 am**

I feel you guys. yea this was more like a poetic spit. I really appreciate the feed. Ima keep workin on it.
good lookin.

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