Hip Hop Forum

K This is a Verse i Just Wrote For This "Fly Away" Collab. So From The Title Of The Song i Based My Verse On How Ppl Are Never Satisfied With What Was Once ideal Living And Try 2 Get Out Of Something Thats Slowly Turned Bad. So Yeah Lol.

The Grass in The Neighbour's Yard is "Always-Greener" ..//
Life is Like Standing in "Front-Of-a-Billboard" ..//
"Lovin-The-Thrill-Tho" Of a "New-Location" ..//
"Look-For-Places" .. That u "Dream-About" ..//
"Look-For-Faces" .. That u Never "Seen-Or-Found" ..//
So "Tread-The-Fine-Line" Thats "Never-Quite-Right" ..//
ur Never Satisfied With Living a "Little-Man-Filled-With-Plans" ..//
"Filled-With-Dreams" .. "Sitting-Free" in a "World-We-Dont-Know" ..//
What Seemed Fine Turns From Moderate To "Sickening" ..//
To "Fly Away" is inevitable, it's "Picking-in" ..//
Through a Chink in Once "Strong-Armour" ..//
So Like Our "Forefathers" .. We "Pack-Camp-And-Move-On" ..//
After Our Ground Has Run Dry, "Black-Lamps-That-Look-On-Us" ..//
Seem To Always Shine The Light in "Other-Directions" ..//
u Just Wnna Fly Away From The Shit, "Pummel-My-Neck-Once" ..//
Pummel it Twice, u Think "i Been Tested 2 Long" So "Lets-Take-Action" ..//
And Start a New "ideal" Life in The "Next-Place-Thats-All" ..//
For it 2 "Never Crumble" But a Dream is Always interrupted ..//




http://illestlyrics.com/board/multi-tasking-vt2257.html <--Linky

ummmm... i dont get how ur rhyming this.. if there's suppose to be rhyme in it at all...

nvm... i notice some rhymes in between ... just... really weird how u did it.. and alot of it was like.. pointless to be there...i'll read it later or somethin lol

LoL Yeah it's a Weird Rhymestyle But Along With The Beat it Sounds Like its Rhymin in Lines

yeah this was a really wierd rhyme sceme. I can seem some places that it worked well, and the other places I might understand better if i heard the audio

dope subject though.

"Lovin-The-Thrill-Tho" Of a "New-Location" ..//
"Look-For-Places" .. That u "Dream-About" ..//
"Look-For-Faces" .. That u Never "Seen-Or-Found" ..//
So "Tread-The-Fine-Line" Thats "Never-Quite-Right" ..//
ur Never Satisfied With Living a "Little-Man-Filled-With-Plans" ..//

^favorite lines.

you had a nice amount of multis, and I always enjoy subjects that are not your run of the mill 'gangsta/bling rap' bullshit. The rhyme sceme kinda messed it up for me a bit though, and through off the enjoyment of it. and the flow was also rocky for me, but again, id have to hear the audio.

stay up and keep dropin, i enjoy reading your stuff.

I didnt get the rhyming either , kinda ruined it for me ... I wanna hear the audio..

lol we juz sayin do a audio homie! overall same as dey said but keep droppin i no u got sum otha gud ish -1-

the substance of your rap was good, but the way you wrote it, it wasnt really a rhyme, more that of a poem maybe, it was tight though id give it a 6/10

you need to say shit outloud when you write it homie, like some shit you try to rhyme is a lil questionable then some shit just ain't rhyme no matter how you try to say it

***GHOST*** wrote:the substance of your rap was good, but the way you wrote it, it wasnt really a rhyme, more that of a poem maybe, it was tight though id give it a 6/10

Agree, I couldn't see a lot of rhymes within that one, although u had some multies. u probably posted it in the wrong section.. cause as a poem, shit was tight

LoL Ty For The Replies Ppl And Yeah im Gnna Be Brushin Up On it Havin Less Dead-End Rhymes, Peace