Hip Hop Forum

darkness inside the light shinning bright
a timeless night receding into a mindless plight
trying to time it right to grasp an take it back
before it breaks my back and shakes the stack
like the grapes of wraith but oh so, fruitless
so i do this mus-ic to move it from ruthless
grab the sutchures and get ready for stitches
a life of riches condemned by rotten bitches
forgotten blisses swallowed in the shadows
a mad flow transforming like toys from hasbro
theres no path fo' and pshyco whose set trippin
as i find the next victim to feel deaths symptoms
in a pressed prism.. hollering for some escape
but its too damn late with no faith in your fate
feeling displaced while facing down a juggernaut
wit encumbered thoughts nightmares an slumber lost
just another boss giver orders to his benefit
scores ten ta six as the man is sick and venomous
he strikes with a pen and fist a scribbled offense
a little intense he walks meanly with subtle intents
face stubbled with dents from harsh seasons
with false reasons behind his life of dark meanings
he starts fiending when ever he hears a heart beating
a smart heathen waiting and preying for dark evenings

Nice rhyme scheme. I like that you kept it consistent through out which helped give it a tight flow. As far as the content: most of it seems metaphorical so any meaning would be interpreted. That being said, I can definitely glean a thing or two. a couple typos here and there made me have to read a few lines twice but nothing that bad. Intents and offense didn't rhyme that great either but that's just nit-picking. Keep up the good work!

that hasbro line was nasty man,
very enjoyable read

I liked the consistancy of the peice. most people have a habbit of writing but slipping up through out the peice. this remained equal from begining to the end. the flow was smooth. I think the line that appealed most to me was

"just another boss giver orders to his benefit
scores ten ta six as the man is sick and venomous"

loved the way that line was delivered