Hip Hop Forum

ShawnMD will keep you at the margin,
on a liquid diet, just so I can prolong your starving,
eliminate the liquids, know I'm only just starting,
freeze limbs like warts so I can break them as they harden,
shocking clans with numbers tremendous, stupendous,
I'm the root of the problem, lowering every census,
which makes me wonder why you enter with no alliance,
when I'm only going to torture you, claiming that it's "science"
to prove this, I'll study blueprints that are diabolic,
details include reversing the process that makes you solid,
I then pour you near the bermuda triangle, every moral
gone as you become physical again, crashing into coral,
at the same time, your broadcasted as an example,
crowds form in the streets to wish you well, each with a candle,
retaliation from his family? I'll be handling
this situation by using a ax to start dismantling
some of the members, who are eaten and turned to manure,
serving a purpose or just being sent to a sewer,
the women and children will only receive a warning
I'll then be influenced by Big Pun, so in the morning
the men will wake without their manhood, their inches,
just to help things, I'll kick all of their doors of the hinges,
walking menacingly, it's like I turned them to stone like medusa,
dispelling any sign of uprising like bussa,
half of them will beg for mercy like it's opium,
the other half will have heart attacks, but not because of sodium.

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/ugly- ... ml#p188230
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/the-n ... ml#p188232

Flow was decent but I felt like this piece could've used more wordplay and punchlines. Multies were a bit simple, too. Overall, not bad. Just needs to kick it up a notch. Keep working at it.

I enjoyed it but I didn't think it was fantastic either
You had some good flow there and some of your rhymes were very enjoyable so

Keep up the good work

[ Post made via iPhone ]

I thought this was actually pretty cool, didn't really have much going for it
but I dig what your trying to do with your piece, your tryna add a vivid spectrum to it
tryna provoke a different way of writing, you will need to pick it up though and sort it out
if anything if you re-write this, break up a few spots and re-word it you might be onto something
a nice lil warm up piece I suppose
keep working at it my dude, you'll be tearing up these pieces sooner then you know it