Hip Hop Forum

tried to sorta go a lil bit deeper then usual.. let out some emotions.. haha, right twisted?? lol


i'm still debatin, while my chick be home masturbatin
show me my rating, where's my rep? I'm still waitin
cats be hatin, i'm a spark, u better not ignite me
always hearing shit about suckas who wanna fight me
they be bangin streets nightly, sayin the hood is ours
since when? bitch, enlight me, why u so mighty
i think i can resist the powers of gangbanging cowards
like this bitch who stole 300 grand, just to disappear
ran for a year, and he's calling himself a man?
had to stay in and wait for his chest to get hairy
to call himself a man again and act scary
but shit, i got enough killin the hours at home
waitin for my domain to grow, so i can take the throne
cause my moms is yellin at my brothers verbally
don't reckon the family love, it's disturbin me
they don't seem to bother about each others opinions
and my dad's tryin to sustitube as a peace negotiator
desperately tryin to solve the evolving issues
without involving more cryin, lyin or tissues
I dividing myself in two, got split personalities
gratitude for my family, and the hard head that i rather be
conquer my insanity, i'll show u am the man to be
u'll never extinguish me, or what's left of me

It got better toward the end.

i think i can resist the powers of gangbanging cowards

desperately tryin to solve the evolving issues
without involving more cryin, lyin or tissues
I dividing myself in two, got split personalities
gratitude for my family, and the hard head that i rather be

^favorite lines. Over all it was decent. It was kinda to simple in some parts. Really, you just need to up your vocab and that will help take care of the problem. A couple times the flow kinda feel off, because there were a couple random lines that didnt appear to rhyme with anything. You could have also used some more multis, that would also help with the flow and complexity of the piece.

stay up and keep dropin.

Pretty Str8 .. You Coulda Got More Lyrical Wid
Da Emotions u put In Here But Its Pretty Str8
Felt It .. Keep Doin U

aiit.. thanks.. appreciated ya'll

"i'm still debatin, while my chick be home masturbatin
show me my rating, where's my rep? I'm still waitin"

Thats funny.

Vocabulary on this was better then some of your other pieces.

"they don't seem to bother about each others opinions
and my dad's tryin to sustitube as a peace negotiator
desperately tryin to solve the evolving issues
without involving more cryin, lyin or tissues"

Thats some real shit.

Some bad lines

"had to stay in and wait for his chest to get hairy
to call himself a man again and act scary "

Dont want to much shit like that in you verse. Lol.

8.4/10 though. Not bad. Keep elevating.

lol.. don't want shit like that? haha

aiit.. but shit's actually true, that's why i put it on the verse - to diss the sucka who actually did it.. poorly written probably, but thanks.. !!

the vocab was good in this, you just need to get a lil more complex in most other aspects, your rhyme schemes too basic for my taste, your wordplay and imagery could use work too