Hip Hop Forum

http://illestlyrics.com/board/diverse-v ... t2874.html

Let Fate Awake Then Break Ya Face,
Im a Ghost You've Waked This Place
Haunts Forever/ Strike With Fire Like
Stormy Weather, Pussy Get Ripped
Like "Horny Stepper"/ Left Wet
From Your Own Baretta, Never
Hot You Dont OWN A Sweata/
Complex With Repp Deep Meanin
In My Bein , Protect Ya Self Heat
Leavin (Now U Bleedin)/
Its Sick How i'm iLL Mind Twisted,
Let Clips Blow N Kill 9's Spittin/
i'll Buy Victums The Way They Bag'd,
Leave Homos Bent Like The Gayest Fags/

ssee ur structue gettin betta now thats how it pose 2 b pretty much

you were improving but this seems like a step in the wrong direction

Let Fate Awake Then Break Ya Face,
Im a Ghost You've Waked This Place
Haunts Forever

you went in and out of the first and thir person in that, you've needs to be changed to i've and "haunts" needs to be changed to either haunting or haunt

Strike With Fire Like
Stormy Weather, Pussy Get Ripped
Like "Horny Stepper"/

typical person doesn't really think of fire striking with stormy weather, and "horny stepper" that doesn't really make sense, i dunno what you were referring to their

From Your Own Baretta, Never
Hot You Dont OWN A Sweata/

wordplay was way to basic, you need to step your creativity up


i'll Buy Victums The Way They Bag'd,
Leave Homos Bent Like The Gayest Fags/

buy victims doesn't really make sense unless your referring to putting a hit out, its still never phrased buy victims, and "leave homos" bent like the "gayest fags" isn't a good similie your basically repeating the same shit you could say "leave dudes" but saying "leave homos" then repeating the gay reference makes it simplistic and ineffective

All Killah Broke It Down To The T..lol..Like He Said Though, Gotta Be More Creative. Let Your Mind Expand So You Think About Shit Like Strangely Rearranging Folks limbs With Coat Hangers An Shit..lol..Keep Droppin Though Man.

lmao this is what happens when you complain about feedback sucking.

Oh Well lol