Hip Hop Forum

http://illestlyrics.com/board/these-vessels-vt3290.html

born and raised in the city's toughest suburb
was sworn and praised just to hit the sidecurb\\
sittin here by myself strollin down my memory lane
thinkin how the fuck I'm get my piece of temporary fame\\
my mind says I'm unable to reach the breakthrough
I'm caught in between sense and personal will\\
my heart says rehurse all and prove your skill,
u're ill, sure I'll kill, a cursed will, I'm still\\
chill, stay on ground till I learn how to fly
i'm laudable, a valuable asset not ready to die\\
still searchin for conclusions of my illusions
contributions that'll will leave me with solutions\\
cause I'm escaping from a world of perplexity
struggle my hardest, but never reach complexity\\
got an axe in me, that really tear me up inside
as i'm subsiding, unable to ride this wave any longer\\
the ancient ferry takes me to the kingdom of death
i'll be locked in my corpse, gotta enjoy my last breath\\


life can be noisy like an old smith&wesson
assasinatin profession, let me teach u a lesson\\
state ya confession, maybe u'll get ya blesson
pour our my aggression through my immense music\\
my sixth sense, amuse it, squize the juice in it
it comes a bruise with it, don't lose a minute\\
it makes me estatic, lyrically talented like illmatic
don't panic, lay back and let it flow into ya soul\\
lose control like missy when u roll through the town,
with all the windows down blastin my dope sound\\
ground's shakin around the takin, I'm makin
great tracks at a young age like the Jacksons\\
I develop contractions, that fraction your actions
it seem illusive, cause i'm spittin exclusive\\
my rhymes act abusive, but u're still alive - smile\\
refuse to take my nine to five, I'm just not fuckin lazy
shit amaze me, how they embrace me and turn crazy\\
I haven't even started to sell, I aint a celebrity
but on highway to hell, when I'm dead u will see\\
u aint even walkin, u're skateboarding like pharrell
u're skin is swellin as u approach my hells dwellin\\
ladies be yellin like I'm on death row, ready to die
they wanna kiss me goodbye, blow me till I get high\\
I'm walkin this path, it's takin me to the place faith rest
I will never be complex until I've touched the greatness \\

I'mma Be Flat Out..

It Was Boring Man, It Was Dry imo.

You Need To Get More Creative, Give Us A Reason To Wanna Keep Reading. It Rhymed, That's About All I Can Say About This Piece. Some Multies That You Were Trying To Make Multies, Really Weren't.

Example:
sittin here by myself strollin down my memory lane
thinkin how the fuck I'm get my piece of temporary fame\\

^^Wasn't a Bad Line, Just Wasn't A Multie.
Over All It's Just Dry Man, Dull An Shit. Be More Creative, You Had Some Good Vocab An Shit, But Come More Unique You Know?

Keep Droppin Though Man.

Yea i Fully Agree Wit Whadd Mac Had To Say^
Gotta Get More Creative ...

Mac wrote:I'mma Be Flat Out..

It Was Boring Man, It Was Dry imo.

You Need To Get More Creative, Give Us A Reason To Wanna Keep Reading. It Rhymed, That's About All I Can Say About This Piece. Some Multies That You Were Trying To Make Multies, Really Weren't.

Example:
sittin here by myself strollin down my memory lane
thinkin how the fuck I'm get my piece of temporary fame\\

^^Wasn't a Bad Line, Just Wasn't A Multie.
Over All It's Just Dry Man, Dull An Shit. Be More Creative, You Had Some Good Vocab An Shit, But Come More Unique You Know?

Keep Droppin Though Man.

i disagree cuz it seems he rhymed the lil syllables like he sounded it out n then tried rhymin like dat 4 that bar so i can see how he rhymed it..but then again i see mac's point of view..overall it was ok..like mac said doe it was a bit borin homie..get creative up the vocab u nooooo stay droppin -1-

aiit... thanks for feedback tho.. much appreciated

i really dont have to say anything about this, everything that needed to be said was said, jus keep postin man...

yeah.. i will.. appreciate that people tell me the truth.. that's what i need to elevate.. i'll come back stronger.. haha

I agree with Mac. You need to be more creative and you'll spit fire.

still searchin for conclusions of my illusions
contributions that'll will leave me with solutions\\

^^^liked that line

thanks for feedback.. I'll step my game up and rip that creative shit in my head out..