Hip Hop Forum

Feedback would be appreciated



Days fly so stay n lay by the fire,they say ima liar, it comes straight thru the wire n im tired, fuck the talk i walk a straight line to the lake cuz this fates mine, so i take it down like a shot of everclear, u ever hear the sound of demons speaking in ur ear? i lost fear of death so i smear the meth till i got enough to pierce my chest, brain rotted n fierce wit anger ravaging thru displays of christ in the manger, im twice wat i came from the dice rolls the snakes blood, eyes lookin up like my life was a fake flood, yet i still cant breathe, stuck underwater where the fuckin thunders hotter, dispersin thru the sea, while this person looks at me, spittin verses till he sees my version of insisting pleas, somehow im sitting free clutching on my knees, but my back feels like a hundred stinging bees, ive drained my liquids free, insane wit sickness breeds i stain the viewers seed n detain the soul of unaffected beings, my scheme is un replaceable ur dreams r not un breakable, my seams have been undone n this clock always strikes at 1.....so i decided to close the blinds n hide away from the sun....

http://www.illestlyrics.com/forum/torme ... t4534.html

should be good enough

That Was Hot Man..Flow went well..painted a good picture to me..Ending was tyte to..Keep droppin man ur stuff is good readin..

yea this seems like one of ur better pieces.. good shit.. nice flow.. decent multis..pretty deep as well.. overall it was hot

this was nicee, good one imo.
i loved how the multi's flowed so good, like
"i lost fear of death so i smear the meth till i got enough to pierce my chest"
that was real good.
viral is a BEASTTTT

Thanks for the feed guys...much appreciated...there will be another drop from me n someone else...so go check that one out too!!

this, mr viral, i loved.
im pretty sure u showedme this on msn but anyways, it was banging.

i lost fear of death so i smear the meth till i got enough to pierce my chest, <<one of my fav lines


my scheme is un replaceable ur dreams r not un breakable, my seams have been undone n this clock always strikes at 1.....so i decided to close the blinds n hide away from the sun.... <<another fav line

overall it kicked my ass and had quite the emotions, good job

i dont like your structure one bit, thats prolly cuz you dont have one, but other than that this was prolly the best drop ive read from me. it was pretty dope man, i liked it, it had a bit of every cat. good shit man keep droppin.

Thanks for the feed.....fuck structure!...lol

Uppin for more feeeedback!

lately you're getting better at not going offtopic and babbling with multis, this piece was solid, not as good as your other recent pieces but the vocab was good, content was pretty good, rhyme scheme was good for the most part a few parts where the multis didn't quite match syllables, but overall it was a solid verse, pain in the dick to read it in paragraph form though, all that cybersex must have your enter key messed up

loooool @ DJ!

Yeah this was a good drop, What gave you the motiviation to write it?
It stayed on topic pretty well and yes you do need some fucken structure b/c it does suck to read it in paragraph form majorly. Rhyming was cool, content was cool, structure was shit, over all it was nice and one of your better pieces. Did I mention the structure SUCKS? lol kidding.









And how come the only time we see Stina is to leave you feedback?!

funny you asked.....cuz i was wondering the same damn thing......i never asked her to leave me feed...but it happened.....dont hate



thanks to the people who have left feed...and for those of u have that havent...GET TOOO ITTT!!...lol

Uppin for some feeeeeed!!!

so i take it down like a shot of everclear, u ever hear the sound of demons speaking in ur ear? i lost fear of death so i smear the meth till i got enough to pierce my chest, brain rotted n fierce wit anger ravaging thru displays of christ in the manger,

^^fav

kinda fell off at the end but for the most part it was fire multies fire n stayed on subject flow was good too
you get a \\TUSSIN//

Yah i Been Forgettin To Leave u Feedback Aye, So Here.

as Far as Flow Goes it Was Solid, None Of That Tongue Twister Shit That u Somethimes Have Lol So Word. Not Really a Punchline Piece Of Course But u Had Good imagery And Like Had i Donno Wat To Call it But Something Like Punchlines Every Once in a While lol. Multis Were Unforced as Usual And Stuck To The Topic Well So Word lol.

Not Bad Man, Other Then Structer Which Was Stated About 8 Times Up There ^^ Is The Only Weak Part I.M.O I Think You Can Come Harder As Far As Ya Flow Goes Though As Well. But This Is One Of Your Better Pieces Even Though I've Seen Like 2 From You lol. Keep Droppin Though Man.