Hip Hop Forum

got a screw loose or two..
pills smoke n alcohol abusin the throat like a noose bruise/
colors fadin n beginnin ta lose hues..
diminishing power ta hustle like i need a new fuse//
feelin like im gettin bored in verses,
tryin ta drop rhymes sweatin like a whore in church is/
writers block?? shit ..feel like someone pulled the chord like nurses,
n my brains cremated cuz icouldnt afford the hearses//
took me a few ta get some words ta drop,
but i aint changed its been quiet cuz i had ta work alot/
ya see nothin but snakes when ya turnin rocks,
but i wasnt made fa nametags n birkenstocks//
now im back baby hotter than than boilin heat
steppin on gas wit no shoes on /
ho please my flows freezin
colder than a brass toilet seat in the yukon//
nothin played or bitten all original shit is custom made/
cats gettin slayed by wriittens im not the one ta fade//
fuck gettin sprayed wit pistols..
drops r missiles.. n im holdin stun grenades/
hit the stop button wit blades ta watch it stunt your age //
holdin too much weight like a fat camp so i ran it in halves/
so much hate ill clap ya jersey cuz im not a fan of the cavs//

verbal-xstacy-ft-viral-vt4546.html

uppin feed

your structure is all off, turnin the flow choppy. Flow was a mess and all over the place. lyrically i think your tryin to hard and most of your rhymes seemed a lil forced. this was prolly the worse drop from you ive seen in awhile.

big ups and keep pushin them keys

appreciate takin the time for feedback

I agree With Ghost on this one Da Guy.

Flow Was Wack Rhymes were Decent at that, i think your tryin to hard to elevate, it happens when your ready, not something u can change over night
anyways keep it up

the piece has potential, but the structure was way off man.. like ghost said, gave it a choppy flow.. juss be patient, and u'll notice your elevation in your verses.. juss keep droppin, if seen some good stuff from u man..

Positives:
*You're trying to get more creative
*A few bars were readable. e.g,
nothin played or bitten all original shit is custom made/
cats gettin slayed by wriittens im not the one ta fade//
*Your multis are improving evident by this piece.

Negative:
The similes were awkward.
The word usage was horrible.
Vocabulary wasn't good
Choppy structure and flow

^^ thank you those r the things i need ta know greatly appreciated

changed this a little bit

i thought this was cool, it was on and off with the topic, some lines seemed pretty dope for sure tho like:

feelin like im gettin bored in verses,
tryin ta drop rhymes sweatin like a whore in church is/

you had nice multies in this verse, lacked a little bit in content but not alot, structure needs to be worked on a bit

but yea man thats it, overall this was some good shit, keep doin yer thing

appreciate the feed back ill return the favor

I agree with Symbolikull, it seems like you're trying too hard; some of this felt forced. Some of the quick disses you keyed out to me in the Cyphers section were better than what you've written here... Just relax your flow and if something doesn't come naturally to you, then change it or omit it completely...