Hip Hop Forum

You Gotta Have Alot-Of-Game To Have Shot-At-Fame..
Knock-Your-Brain.. And Then Quickly Clock-Your-Vein..

When I See These Weak People Dissin Me I Get My Fair-Laughs..
My Rhymes Fly High, Like Motions And Areo dynamics, Incased In Air-Crafts..

Ill Chew-Ya-Dream Murder Your Crew And Then Tutor-Your-Team..
Fuck These NetCees That Act Like Rappers Behind Computer-Screens..

Like Mouse Pads And Keyboards Are There Only Life...
They Could Never " Escape " The Lethal " Slash " Of My Knife..// << Esc and slash are some keys

The Only Person Who Feels You Is U ... Like Your " Touching YourSelf "
I Got The Heads, Of DickRidin Netcees Placed As A Trophy On My mentel Shelf!..//

Brining The Sickness Of A Complex Genius, Equipped With A Golden-Pen..
Masterd. The Crafted Ways On Rap With A Blunt Pencil Out Of Its Lead.!..

somethin-i-was-writin-up-in-history-class-vt4980.html

hmm this was ok not bad i guess, you can do better mate. keep dropping

creative, but wasn'ty really feelin it tho.. had some nice lines

The Only Person Who Feels You Is U ... Like Your " Touching YourSelf "
I Got The Heads, Of DickRidin Netcees Placed As A Trophy On My mentel Shelf!..//

Ill Chew-Ya-Dream Murder Your Crew And Then Tutor-Your-Team..
Fuck These NetCees That Act Like Rappers Behind Computer-Screens..

Good multies, although they seemed a bit forced at a few places.. the verse got better as I read more.. lyrically this was pretty good, but like i said earlier, wasn't feelin u man.. keep it up..

how are you going to talk about fake emcees then proceed to say you're gonna knock their brain and clock their vein? kinda hypocritical

a bunch of multis were forced & didn't match in this, "clock your vein" F, "tutor your team" DM, mental shelf? not a multi but still forced

it wasn't horrible but it fell off drastically toward the end when you started attempting wordplay

aight cool,

Upping

i thought it was pretty nice, not overly impressive but youre getting the hang of it, good shit man keep it up

The first line and this

When I See These Weak People Dissin Me I Get My Fair-Laughs..
My Rhymes Fly High, Like Motions And Areo dynamics, Incased In Air-Crafts..

was my favorite.

I think everyone made good points so I won't give much further commentary.

When you add links try to make them recent as well.

I agree with the other statements; a lot of it seemed forced. Your first line is evidence of that; you threw "fair" and "laughs" together just to have two syllables that would rhyme with "aircrafts". Making sense and being on point is a huge part of rapping. Start off with single syllable rhymes and work from there.

Additionally, if you're going to do multi-syllabic rhymes, then every bar should be multi-syllabic.