Hip Hop Forum

Time to try my luck again..


an ordinary afternoon takin my mom to the grocery store
we'll back back soon, don't worry and closed the front door
what accurred was a memory conserved in my mind forever
wasn't deserved as the scene of joy blurred of us together
the pigeons dropped from the sky like a struck of lightning
fundamentalists stopped and asked why they're really figthing
that's the moment when the steering wheel slipped from my fingers
screams of terror as the steamin steel flipped and splingered
it punctured her left longue and nearly fractured her neck
Are U alright son, she asked raptured of in an emotional attack
she was delighted i made it, that's all she ever cared about
I was frightened, I almost faded of seein u slowly passin out
tears was rollin down my chin as i was strollin around dim
wasn't controllin my sin, only prayin for God to act again
I was nervous, thought that wasn't deserved cause of what u'd served us
the love u sprayed never accurred to us, but now I understand

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Uppin for feedbcak ya'll

i thought it was decent homie..be more descriptive is what id say..decent tho...stay workin on it..-1-

ait, thanks.. uppin for feedback!

it's alright in my opinion.
just a lil bit dragged out it seemed ..

aiit.. appreciate feedback stina!! uppin

I like the emotion u did it in, its all good. Work on what the other 2 said, thats basicly all i gotta say lol. Its all good

there was definatley emotion in it, if you woulda made it a lil more discriptive people might have felt it more, Now dont get me wrong...you did make it discriptive to a point and that helped with reading the verse and trying to get into it. I like what you were doing with this piece and I think you should work on it a bit and continue with it....it come definatley be something solid with a lil more thought put into it, but good job for what you've accomplished already

appreciate feedback stylez and blitz..!!

Uppin for feedback!