Hip Hop Forum

trigger the 45. glued to my camera like an alarm detector
it'll fry your brain, so i can sell it on ebay to hannibal lecter
make your soul burn and ya eyes dance like a drug injector
it's like more dangerous then ya moms and u betta respect her!
my words cut open scars rectanguarly fitting dollar bills
ao how's dat green coloured tattoo feel, it's matchin ya eyes
decorate it with a bruise and u're a fashion guru in disguise
loookin so fresh and energized like a pimped-out preacher
man, ya features are all breathtakin like a naked teacher
challenge me, i'm ready to rumble like i'm fightin for a title
no room for mumble in here, this is like a presidential recital
so just hand over the mic, cuase u spit like u got dyslexia
u rip bars so lightweighted that your fans'll develop anorexia
therefore i put some beef in their cranium so they won't starve
i'm amnesty and the red cross in one body like a hollywood star
stayin radio active like uranium with verses solid like titanium

this was ok man...decent punches here n there..structure not 2 bad..ok multis..keep it up

i didn't see too many multies but it was ok... ur definatley gettin much better with vocab and structure... work on multies n stuff like that... but i thought this verse was kinda tight

"trigger the 45. glued to my camera like an alarm detector
it'll fry your brain, so i can sell it on ebay to hannibal lecter"

thats kinda what kept me readin on... i'd like to see the finished project... if its unfinished... iuno what ur plans were to take ur verse and write some more... who knows... but most deff keep it up man!

thanks tramatik and lawgix.. it aint finished, i'm gon continue writin some more.. but apprecaite feed, u had some good points, and yeah, i'll work with my multies.. i just basically tried to rap bout somethin outta the ordinary, sorta take it outside the box a lil bit..

Uppin for feedback mafuckas!!

It wasn't to bad. You need to experiment a little more with your style. Don't worry about trying something different every once in a while to reach that perfection you're looking for.

aiit.. thanks.. a good point!

word i agree with plex switch it up n try new things thats what this thread is for

but this was pretty good one of youre better verses

i see your words and ideas branching out on this one..think you tried a little too hard though

first bar was nice but the rest of the verse didnt really hold up to it imo

like ta read ya drops though stay up homie

aiit.. appreciate feed mr. rhino.. i'll try to be more experimental in my verses

Uppin for feedback!