Hip Hop Forum

[Verse 1]
we were 2 solo artist tryin to make a dream//
when it came the the whole crop u were the cream//
you came to onto my page showin sum love//
then we sat there dreamin bout gettin played in the club//
2 no bodys made into sumbody//
i was by ur side when u were all bloody//
now its no longer lives solo raps//
i wish i could of been then when u got capped//
Random Records and Pick-Up conjointed together//
we could feel the weather gettin a little bit better//
you kept ur head up stayin tru to the game//
u were out there tryin to make a name//
you showed me shit that i didnt know//
you helped me on everything even my flow//
Rest In Peace The Motherfucking Kid//
Im gonna show the world wat u Did//

[Hook x2]
You Will Always Be Remembered, Rest In Peace Kid//
no one will no wat u could of did//
i can see ur smiling now//
imma carry on Link 22 thats my vow//
so lets all hold hands and bow our heads//
for now another great rapper is dead//
take a moment of silent please//
for all the beefs he had will never appease//

[Verse 2]
I guess people don't really know when it's their time to go//
now since im on my own, i gotta keep this shit up, its 'time to show'//
you were only 15 years old.. can't lead your life, now that your bodys cold//
you where always ready to fight cuz u way bold,
I gotta show to world what I can do, I gotta unfold//
Under so much stress right now, ever since you gone//
Shit the world aint easy since you aint here, cant take all this bickor//
Ya see, I been poppin all these pills, drinkin all this liqor//
Trying to forget about the fact that you aint hear 'no more'//
Always been getting into fight, keep starting 'a war'//
God, why did my homie gotta go for he changed my life a 'whole lot'//
Been doin what I told my self I wouldnt, I keep smokin the 'bowl alot'//
Understand he got shot, but why could you take me, he didn't deserve 'to go'//
In his tracks he never once lied, he was honist,, He was always 'True yo'//

[Hook x2]
You Will Always Be Remembered, Rest In Peace Kid//
no one will no wat u could of did//
i can see ur smiling now//
imma carry on Link 22 thats my vow//
so lets all hold hands and bow our heads//
for now another great rapper is dead//
take a moment of silent please//
for all the beefs he had will never appease//

Im going to try and record it, Im trying to make this my best song ever!!!
After I get it done, Im going to upload it in the "Creation Chamber".

Feedback to B-Bear

DROP A LINK!!!

What does "DROP A LINK!" mean?

Rh1no is the link nazi... go post some feed on another thread... and copy n paste the link upbove that crap you call a "dedication song" that'll make him smile lol

you call this crap?

So The Guy u Collabed On That Mary Jane Song With is Ded?

Domino wrote:So The Guy u Collabed On That Mary Jane Song With is Ded?

lmfao. no he isent 'Ded', but yeah he is dead though.

BigP wrote:you call this crap?

can you not read?

"copy n paste the link upbove that crap you call a "dedication song""

^^^^^^^ maybe now u can read it

but I dont understand how this is "crap" I think this song is pretty desent.

not bad really, its probably the best lyrics i've heard from u, it still wasnt necessarily decent, idk it wasnt bad tho...u showin some improvement

but the hook was garbage, rhymin was ok, the flow and lyrics werent really bad but..keep it up

PickUpRecordz: a-song-dedicated-to-tyler-the-kid-burns-vt5558.html
Mr Drunken Jesus: not bad its just really simplistic
PickUpRecordz: how?
Mr Drunken Jesus: you only rhyme one syllable and don't really get too creative with writing
PickUpRecordz: rate it, 1-10.
Mr Drunken Jesus: 4
PickUpRecordz: which verse was better?
Mr Drunken Jesus: both were about the same
Mr Drunken Jesus: and you needa learn how to structure hooks
Mr Drunken Jesus: they're 8 bars
PickUpRecordz: I didn't write the 1st verse nor the hook.
PickUpRecordz: I only wrote the 2nd verse.
PickUpRecordz: leave it feed, and do the poll, if you would like..
Mr Drunken Jesus: why you post lyrics if you ain't write them?
Mr Drunken Jesus: your verse is slightly better now that i read it, the other one was more simple but you still got aways to go

ok well since u only wrote the second verse imma read that only....

u should make all your lines the same lenght, and use loads more multies lol. There where basicly 2 bars with multies... make every bar with a multie

Use 16 lines instead of 14.....

like dj said, use more syllable rhymes and get creativer...


this really is better then the last ones tho... u finally are listening to feedback and u be using multies like i said .... and u used the syllables good in the multies tho they had just 1 syllable lol



PzZzZ

thanks for the positive feedback people.
uppin.

BigP wrote:but I dont understand how this is "crap" I think this song is pretty desent.

thats what YOU THINK cause u wrote it... its about what OTHER people THINK... about ur shit... n stop postin polls!!!!

bigp..lol on ur address bar ok..it shows the name of the website right?uh huh...u highlight alllllll of that ONLY on a thread u left comments on IN scriptures..once thats highlighted u copy and paste it..go 2 edit copy then put it above or underneath ur post IN scriptures and hit paste obviously..or u can do it simply like most ppl do with the right clickin shit...anyways i tried 2 explain 2 u how 2 put the links..anyway u only have 2 show somebody elses work so more pieces get commented on which leads 2 advice and etc...any-fuckin-way...this was 2 simple as dj stated above..the hook...ehh..it was OK somethin 50cent cud pull off..ur verse was the 2nd u said it & again it was simple..and NO were not tryna tell u suck 2 put u down..were tellin u,u suck bcuz in reality ur not even average yet and we want u 2 understand ur faults & flaws so u can correct them....if we didnt do this u'd end up like barney or somethin...feel me? ur ass better understand or im'a net kill u LOL..anyways im outtie...later...pEaCe

-Tramatik