Hip Hop Forum

As its Divided we Stand, understand its United we Fall,
Together we fight for the right jus to Confide in the Law,
But we cant cuz the president is up to his Ears in the Oil,
Spendin millions in taxes thru the Years in our Soil,
fuck that shit lets concentrate on the Tears and Turmoil,
Of the families of Soldiers, the Feared and the Loyal,
Those that rose among greats that weren't sent Here to be Royals,
Fuck money! currency was only Engineered to Destroy You,
We as a people were warned about the Loss of Profits,
From Socerties to Homer, jus read the book by Nostradamus,
Therefore a war of revenge was poured and Washed Upon Us,
As a nation we embraced the face of unity for his Cost to Pawn Us,
Taken death tolls to a plateau that of Christ's leap to the Book of Fate,
A huge change in life, were the cowards that not once but twice Took the Bate,
Poverty, Wars, Hunger and prison is this what we got to Look at Straight,
The people are the voters in the election, which was won ina Crooked Race,
Positioned in Florida, all votes count even if they are Listed in the Coroner,
They've Been Misinformin Ya, so they wouldn't have the Risk of us Formin Up,
Like Base and Treble, to reform the sound of victory when we Face the Devil,
Change the Threshold, to improve our steps lets stand we Aint gon' Settle,
Never Sit in the Fight Bout, but our words a covered up like were Sippin on White Out,
Open yuh eyes yuh Missin it Right Now, sort of like rippin when you Spit & yuh Mics Out,
Im only one Man on Earth, that never sleeps I urge I must see this Plan Dispersed,
I Stand & Emerge to surge thru the life of my words It hurts but Ill rest ina Van or Hurst,

A little insightful. I'll leave more feedback soon.

thanx for the feed... plex

UppIN the feed

this was kickass, rhymes were pretty decent

We as a people were warned about the Loss of Profits,
From Socerties to Homer, jus read the book by Nostradamus,

^^^ i like how the name of this verse is a wordplay, n you stay on topic through it real well

Positioned in Florida, all votes count even if they are Listed in the Coroner,
They've Been Misinformin Ya, so they wouldn't have the Risk of us Formin Up,

^^ i thought that was good too

yeah this was a diffrent topic dont really know if i would write on the same thing but i think you pulled it off flow was abit choppy towards the ends, and you could of cut less some of the words out during the last half of your verse till really get the flow factor in tact.. ghost you really fell off the multis for your standers and i think you lost intrest a little and kinda went off topic just a tad.

let me break it down

As its Divided we Stand, understand its United we Fall,
Together we fight for the right jus to Confide in the Law,

^ nice little ring to it.. grabbed my attention and thats what i really look out for in a opener bar!

But we cant cuz the president is up to his Ears in the Oil,
Spendin millions in taxes thru the Years in our Soil,

^ thought you could have got your msg across better in that bar

fuck that shit lets concentrate on the Tears and Turmoil,
Of the families of Soldiers, the Feared and the Loyal,
Those that rose among greats that weren't sent Here to be Royals
Fuck money! currency was only Engineered to Destroy You,

^ yeah multis stayed on point.. still flow was abit iffy hear.

|We as a people were warned about the Loss of Profits,
From Socerties to Homer, jus read the book by Nostradamus,

well dont really know what nostadamus but if precise pointed it out i cant really say anything negitive about it

Therefore a war of revenge was poured and Washed Upon Us,
As a nation we embraced the face of unity for his Cost to Pawn Us,

^ yeah that was a better line here msg was more more clear and flow was god 2

Taken death tolls to a plateau that of Christ's leap to the Book of Fate,
A huge change in life, were the cowards that not once but twice Took the Bate,

^ that was a highlight in your verse .. this is were i started really felling the verse

Poverty, Wars, Hunger and prison is this what we got to Look at Straight,
The people are the voters in the election, which was won ina Crooked Race,

^ this was still good.. thought you could have backed it up abit harder because of your previous bar

Positioned in Florida, all votes count even if they are Listed in the Coroner,
They've Been Misinformin Ya, so they wouldn't have the Risk of us Formin Up,

^ didnt really get this bar to be honest

Like Base and Treble, to reform the sound of victory when we Face the Devil,
Change the Threshold, to improve our steps lets stand we Aint gon' Settle,

^ this bar and the last two were another highlight here

Never Sit in the Fight Bout, but our words a covered up like were Sippin on White Out,
Open yuh eyes yuh Missin it Right Now, sort of like rippin when you Spit & yuh Mics Out,

^ clever line

Im only one Man on Earth, that never sleeps I urge I must see this Plan Dispersed,
I Stand & Emerge to surge thru the life of my words It hurts but Ill rest ina Van or Hurst.

good way to end it off, gets the reader's mind thinking about everything you said

overall this was pretty darn good but on the other hand ive seen you do alot better keep it up and stay active dude enjoy the feedback hope i could help out

But we cant cuz the president is up to his Ears in the Oil,
Spendin millions in taxes thru the Years in our Soil,
fuck that shit lets concentrate on the Tears and Turmoil,
Of the families of Soldiers, the Feared and the Loyal,
Those that rose among greats that weren't sent Here to be Royals,
^ Dis Wus Pretty Strait..
I Liked The Topic Man it Wus Different..
I Ayn Have a Problem Wit None Of Dis..
Good Shit..

well as you may or may not know sequence verses arent based around multies, but thanx for the feed on the verse though i really appreciate it.. i like the way you broke it down.

UppIn for some feed