Hip Hop Forum

hows my dome-smoking? all your brining out is rachets-and-fuses..
my bones-broking??I'll Come Out With a Few Scratches-And-Bruises.
Touching Victims Clits-and-Tits? Ina House Thats Dead-Abandoned..
Pussy.. Faggot Iff You Slit-My-Wrist.. Ill Still Ya Find Ya 'Red-Handed'..
Threatend About Screws-In-My-Back? Or Getting Chaired-In-The-Heart?..
This Movie-Is-Whack, Scary? HOW half of the cast is scared-of-the-dark!
Anit Scared About This Monster Next-To-Me, About To Lazer-My-Heart
Jigsaw Verse Me? Will Be A Quicker Kill Then Complexity Vs raiza-Sharp!
FUCK SAW.. Leave The Cast's Brains-Mangled From The Shoddy-Features..
playing with your insides, leave your veins-tangled and ya body-in-peices..

Touching Victims Clits-and-Tits? Ina House Thats Dead-Abandoned..
Pussy.. Faggot Iff You Slit-My-Wrist.. Ill Still Ya Find Ya 'Red-Handed'..

^ Bar That Stuck Out Tha Most to me

thanks for the feed, upping

seein how you break everything dwon ill do it to


hows my dome-smoking? all your brining out is rachets-and-fuses..
my bones-broking??I'll Come Out With a Few Scratches-And-Bruises.

who said ur dome was smokin, didnt really understand this bar too much, not that good

Touching Victims Clits-and-Tits? Ina House Thats Dead-Abandoned..
Pussy.. Faggot Iff You Slit-My-Wrist.. Ill Still Ya Find Ya 'Red-Handed'..

first off your multies dont even match syllabols, and i dont remember anybody touchin dead body parts

Threatend About Screws-In-My-Back? Or Getting Chaired-In-The-Heart?..
This Movie-Is-Whack, Scary? HOW half of the cast is scared-of-the-dark!

chaired in the heart?? wtf another line not makin any sence too me

Anit Scared About This Monster Next-To-Me, About To Lazer-My-Heart
Jigsaw Verse Me? Will Be A Quicker Kill Then Complexity Vs raiza-Sharp!

how you gonna lazor ur heart? and where did plex and raiza sharp come from i thought this was about saw

FUCK SAW.. Leave The Cast's Brains-Mangled From The Shoddy-Features..
playing with your insides, leave your veins-tangled and ya body-in-peices..

again multies were way off, didnt like it either, a slack endin


i really didnt find anything about this to like, the concept was kool but you killed it, wit simple rhymes and unclarity

SequencE wrote:hows my dome-smoking? all your brining out is rachets-and-fuses..
my bones-broking??I'll Come Out With a Few Scratches-And-Bruises.

Ok Bar, Never Really Stood Out To Me u Never Said Much. Also Bones Broken* Lol.

Touching Victims Clits-and-Tits? Ina House Thats Dead-Abandoned..
Pussy.. Faggot Iff You Slit-My-Wrist.. Ill Still Ya Find Ya 'Red-Handed'..

Better, But That 2nd Line is Pretty Played. Like in Personal Journalist By Sage Francis He Says 'Catch Him Red Handed Only if His Palms Are Bleeding'.

Threatend About Screws-In-My-Back? Or Getting Chaired-In-The-Heart?..
This Movie-Is-Whack, Scary? HOW half of the cast is scared-of-the-dark!

Chaired in The Heart? The 2nd Line Was Good But u Could've Set it Up Better.

Anit Scared About This Monster Next-To-Me, About To Lazer-My-Heart
Jigsaw Verse Me? Will Be A Quicker Kill Then Complexity Vs raiza-Sharp!

Probably The Best Bar in This, The 'Lazer My Heart' Was Forced But u Had a Basic But Ok Punch in The 2nd Line.

FUCK SAW.. Leave The Cast's Brains-Mangled From The Shoddy-Features..
playing with your insides, leave your veins-tangled and ya body-in-peices..

Ok Finisher. Was This Supposed To Be a Diss To Saw Lol?

What Can i Say, The Flow Was Ok Especially With The 4 Multis Per Bar Shit, But it Was Too Messy, u Could've Made ur Point a Lot Better. Some Of The Multis Were Forced, And a Couple Of The Ones u Dashed Weren't Really Multis. This is a Really Passable Drop From u im Unimpressed, u Had a Good idea Mixing Horrorcore With Punchlines And Comic Relief But u Didn't Pull it Off Well. i Suggest u Work On ur Punches And Stop Making Unnecessary Multis. ive Seen What u Can Do And i Know u Can Do a LOT Better Than This. Keep Droppin.

I don't have time to leave you detailed feedback as you did me.

Bar 1 - 7/10
Bar 2 - 7/10, awkward but nice wordplay
Bar 3 - 6/10 - Good play on the concept but that's about it
Bar 4 - 7/10 - The second best punch of the drop
Bar 5 - 6/10 - I like the last line.

Overall, not to shabby.

You kept me interested then again if you can't keep my attention for 5 bars you might
consider quitting. You can though.

Peace.

The concept was good....The wordplay was a lil confusing...~Symbolikull~ is right: things like "Chaired in the heart", and "Lazer my heart" just don't make sence...It could have been rushed or whatever, but you do have talent, you just need to put more time/ thought into your rhymes.

7/10