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State Of Emergency
Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 9:28 pm
by MesaR
Sirens Sirens *
a topic complexity did i think, Quick Peice Done in about 20 mins
Walking Around Like A Dime-Piece, Then Her You Hear Some Shit-Pop..
Laying Down, A ' Time-Freeze ' Then You See A Couple Of Clips-Drop..
Blanked Out, Now Your Awake Stunned Seeing An Emergency-Table..
this surgerys-fatal?, Ethier way.Temperaly Scared, Or Permantly-Disabled ...
Im Buried In This Room, Family Here, Hoping Iv'e Said-Something ..
Hoping I Can Talk, Because Past Conversations Have Meant-Nothing..
Asking For 1 More Day, Cant Helping Looking Up in The Space-N-Sky..
Now Its Kinda Ironic Tha Same Place Ya Born, Is Tha Same Place-U-Die..
Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 9:45 pm
by LadySam
this was ok, i dont think it was anything special.
your getting better though, i say that all the time i know haha
but its because im very proud of you! hahaha
fav bit
Im Buried In This Room, Family Here, Hoping Iv'e Said-Something ..
Hoping I Can Talk, Because Past Conversations Have Meant-Nothing..
good job little boy
Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 6:03 am
by Glamtrash
This piece was okay....Not my favoutite though.
Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 5:08 am
by complexity
Walking Around Like A Dime-Piece, Then Her You Hear Some Shit-Pop..
Laying Down, A ' Time-Freeze ' Then You See A Couple Of Clips-Drop..
I think, this was the most vivid and my favorite bar.
Blanked Out, Now Your Awake Stunned Seeing An Emergency-Table..
this surgerys-fatal?, Ethier way.Temperaly Scared, Or Permantly-Disabled ...
Decent
Im Buried In This Room, Family Here, Hoping Iv'e Said-Something ..
Hoping I Can Talk, Because Past Conversations Have Meant-Nothing..
A little emotion but not enough.
Asking For 1 More Day, Cant Helping Looking Up in The Space-N-Sky..
Now Its Kinda Ironic Tha Same Place Ya Born, Is Tha Same Place-U-Die..
You need to elaborate on that last bar. The bar before it didn't explain it well enough.
Besides if you meant earth.
------------------------------
I don't know, if you completely understood my topic. The backwards story one, but I do like
the spin you put on it.
And this wasn't that great, but it was also worth the read.
Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 10:51 am
by B-Bear
Yeah, agree with plex on that last bar.. but it's a good ending tho.. it's way too short.. should've writtin at least 5-6 bars more, it becomes more of a lightweighter, then really something that made an impression.. the best bars were the starter and the closer.. fill in some extra bars and repost it..
Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 4:09 pm
by complexity
Yah, dude, I want to see him write a full sixteen that would be cool.