Hip Hop Forum

Four hours on a bus, you think it'd feel good to be home
Seein the next generation, n how much they've grown.
Not much had changed since last time we was down,
'Cept for how dazed shit seemed without Dal around
I mean, if nothing else, kid kept us entertained
Cocky motherfucker, but he took away the pain
It hits me then, this is it: i'm here to say goodbye
Take his brother by the hand, nows not the time to cry
As we get ready to finalize this shit in the funeral home,
These punks wanna patronize with full clips thinkin they grown
"Deal with it later."
"It's your lucky day, faggot"
Put my pride aside and enter my destiny, this'll be
the final moment with my boy, the last time I see
my partner in war, crime, and friend with benefits
at 11 years old. You paid us, we'd get ya shit
jackin everything in sight and choppin rock to fiends
Now his face is white and I feel like I've lost everything
I look down at my boy, kid took my first charge for assault
n I can't help but wonder if this shits partly my fault
I wasn't there to have his back, and he got robbed and caught
locked up, smashed to shit, left in B1 to rot.
The crew went big without the brains to back it up
Five became three, now two, as the coffin shuts.
I take his ma's hand and say "things will get better, i promise"
As a man goes out of his way to pass her a letter, "You'll want this"

i hope theres gonna be a part 3, im looking forward to it.

Good imagery And Flow On This. Rhymescheme Was a Little Simple, Structure Could've Been Better But it Was a Good Read, Especially The Way Things Were Worded.

Not much had changed since last time we was down,
'Cept for how dazed shit seemed without Dal around

^Good Bar There.

my partner in war, crime, and friend with benefits
at 11 years old. You paid us, we'd get ya shit
jackin everything in sight and choppin rock to fiends
Now his face is white and I feel like I've lost everything
I look down at my boy, kid took my first charge for assault
n I can't help but wonder if this shits partly my fault
I wasn't there to have his back, and he got robbed and caught
locked up, smashed to shit, left in B1 to rot.
The crew went big without the brains to back it up
Five became three, now two, as the coffin shuts.
I take his ma's hand and say "things will get better, i promise"
As a man goes out of his way to pass her a letter, "You'll want this"

^This Whole Part Flowed Pretty Nicely And Like i Said, Good Way To Word it. it Still Seemed More Like a Poetry Verse To Me But it's More Of a Rap Verse Than ur Poems So it Probably Does Belong in Here. Keep Dropping And ill Be Looking For Part 3.

(ill Leave Feed On Part 1 in a Bit, u Nagging Fuckaroo).

lol

this was good Shanda props i loved this part below

Put my pride aside and enter my destiny, this'll be
the final moment with my boy, the last time I see
my partner in war, crime, and friend with benefits
at 11 years old. You paid us, we'd get ya shit
jackin everything in sight and choppin rock to fiends
Now his face is white and I feel like I've lost everything
I look down at my boy, kid took my first charge for assault
n I can't help but wonder if this shits partly my fault
I wasn't there to have his back, and he got robbed and caught
locked up, smashed to shit, left in B1 to rot.

nice^,flow wuz on point mosta the way and the storyline was cool,keep@it i wanna see more!

The crew went big without the brains to back it up
Five became three, now two, as the coffin shuts.
I take his ma's hand and say "things will get better, i promise"
As a man goes out of his way to pass her a letter, "You'll want this"
^ Part i Enjoyed the Most..

This Was Nice.. i Could Feel Emotion in ya Lyrics.. Everything Flowed Nice..
Im Waitin For ya Next One lol See if u Can Top the 2 u Droped

Good job, keep it up homie.

Thanks for the feed guys. Turns out, it'll more than likely end up being four parts, to avoid a really long awkward Part 3. Which I figure i'll get around to writing on....Monday or so.

Nice Shit Doub.
Alotta emotion, Your storytellin abilities are arguably the best on illest (only rivalling mine lol j/p).
Dope piece. Im excited to see part 3.

shandaaaaa, far as im concerned you hit this outa tha park
i was impressed with some of the rhymes bein multies, n that u told the whole story down to the mark
definately enjoyed readin this, not the kinda thing ya gotta force yerself through, which is refreshing to be honest, keep it up, hope i see a part 3

Thanks for the feed guys, part three to come tomorrow hopefully.