Hip Hop Forum

heres a lil verse i made for this contest to help spread the awareness of AIDS and why u shud get tested

lookin' down at this real empty grave i might
consider how i could of made it right
i got one more chance to be brave tonight
and so you know i wont be a slave ill fight
but i aint talkin' bout The Fray when i say
you could learn how to save a life
before its too late and some lives are taken
dont let these lies escalate and
dont be one of the millions of guys waitin'
wonderin' if there husbands & wives are makin'
the right choice,are you headin' down the right path?
HIV CAN KILL YOU,listen please dont fight facts
or let the light pass,this disease'll take your life fast
and before you know it,everythings gone just like that
you got the time,use it to go check ya self
once a month at least come on protect ya health
nothin's worse then wakin' up knownin you got it
especially when months in advance you could stop it
im speakin the truth,its pure logic dont drop it
im talkin' about this message dont mock it
think about your family,maybe ya friend has it next
use protection before HIV infects you while havin' sex

its was clearly written verse about aid/hiv dude, nice job.. i liked the beginnin more i think the end was iffy for flow, but it was a nice message, and you got it across nicely. i think in some spots it could be tweeked a lil bit to make the flow better

lookin' down at this real empty grave i might
consider how i could of made it right
i got one more chance to be brave tonight
and so you know i wont be a slave ill fight
but i aint talkin' bout The Fray when i say
you could learn how to save a life

thought that shit was ill

thanks 4 the feed homie,uppin

consider how i could of made it right
i got one more chance to be brave tonight
and so you know i wont be a slave ill fight
but i aint talkin' bout The Fray when i say
you could learn how to save a life <--- Loved how dose Lines bulit to dis Save a Life line..


before its too late and some lives are taken
dont let these lies escalate and
dont be one of the millions of guys waitin'
wonderin' if there husbands & wives are makin'
the right choice,are you headin' down the right path?
HIV CAN KILL YOU,listen please dont fight facts
or let the light pass,this disease'll take your life fast <- Flow Consistent... ill Lil Portion.. u Stayd on Concept

think about your family,maybe ya friend has it next
use protection before HIV infects you while havin' sex <-- WOORD , Got Da Message Across

Nice Flow... Stuck to Concept Nicely... Multis wus Everywhere...

Good shit Homie liked it.. Hope u do Good in da Contest..

a dope verse....def gets da point across bout HIV...good shit man i liked it

good stuff my dude, real nice topic real brave lol

well all the wuotables were quoted already aint much to say but good shit lol

return the fave when you have the chance....

liked it homie...exactly what everyone else said..i aint a follower but its the truth...it kinda was a lil iffy towards the end...but the whole thing was nice it went together...

thanks 4 the feed 2 those who left some,apperciate it

the right choice,are you headin' down the right path?
HIV CAN KILL YOU,listen please dont fight facts


^^Favorite line, shit was true not matter what, the truth is always the best topic to write about..good shit.

Wow. I'm glad, I didn't miss out on this verse.

The flow was ILL.

The story was nice. The rhyme scheme was on point.

"lookin' down at this real empty grave i might
consider how i could of made it right
i got one more chance to be brave tonight
and so you know i wont be a slave ill fight
but i aint talkin' bout The Fray when i say
you could learn how to save a life "

That's the art of finishing a rhyme scheme.

Of course, I have a few of my same reservations as usual.

The lack of aggression, but man, this is nice.

Props.