Hip Hop Forum

I dont like you so i was gonna creep in ya house to snipe you
Set loose my Pitbull to fright you, attack you and bite you
But i came accross ya mother instead, she was lyin in bed
I debated whether to rape her while she slept or wake her for some head
So i went right ahead and climbed in, pulled back my foreskin
I was lookin to slip my dick right in but i banged my knee on her shin
It caused her to wake up smeerin her make-up but she had a big grin
She said "oh baby what you gonna do with that thing"
I was like "Ima put inside you bitch what da fuck do you think"
Without even offerin a drink she opened her legs then gave me a wink
She said "go ahead big boy show me what you got" and lifted her top
But that was it i shot, i blew right on da spot, cum every last drop
Pulled my pants over my semi flop and ran out da house
Forgot my posin pouch and on da way out i tripped over da couch

lmao thats kinda gross muthafucka


She said "go ahead big boy show me what you got" and lifted her top
But that was it i shot, i blew right on da spot, cum every last drop

lol u came right after she sed u can fuck her lol!!!!
can somebody say...PREMATURE EJACULATION!!

lol jk man it was an ok piece, it was a bit entertaining
but IMO i think that the topic was a bit immature, really
the rhyme scheme alright and the structure was decent
but again, u need to work on the other elements of ur flow
u have potential. and yet anybody who puts effort into writing
something like this could try and step it up. keep doin ur thing
and maybe when ur elevated enough u can battle me. peace

But i came accross ya mother instead, she was lyin in bed
I debated whether to rape her while she slept or wake her for some head < LMAO
Dat Second Line had Me diein

u come Wid Some Pretty Weird Shit in da Scriptures
LMAO its Original Though, Thats Goood
flow was On Point, LoL the Story Line was ok
it made Me Laugh , Didnt Seem hardcore More like a Comedy
you Might wanna make your Verses a Lil More Complex

Other Den Dat Strait Drop

& Stay Active My Dood

It's simplistic but atleast you told a story with it. I think you should try hitting on a deeper, more meaningful topic.... But I will give you props, I did NOT see the premature ejaculation twist coming... So that shows sparks of creativity that you were able to take me through the story and throw me a curve-ball that not only did I not predict but it made the verse end in the exact opposite way that I expected it to... I was thinking "Oh great.. another self-glorifying rhyme about fucking someone's mom"... But with the curve-ball you actually stripped away your manhood instead of dully reinforcing it...... So props. Keep writing man.

Thanks for da feed, i'll keep workin on my shit.

Lmao, well, if nothing else, you've got quite the imagination.....I hope.

Too simplistic...Just keep working on it and hitting up them cyphers...Nothing too specific just keep elevating.