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the storm is coming
Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:18 pm
by HU22ICANE
the sun isnt shining, i bring the dark upon your land.
when these bars are done, you gonna end up as a fan.
you seem so unprepared, you dont even have a plan.
this gonna hit u so hard that u gonna feel it in ya glands.
the storm is coming, you cant escape from the force.
you seem so frightened, i got you runnin' like a horse.
Leave feed thanks.
Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:21 pm
by thaphantom
Ok well... welcome to illest..i hope you enjoy...and what i say don't bite....you'll get better feed if it was longer but not too long...it's pretty iight sounds more poetic then anything...but hey it's nice
Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:25 pm
by Omega Bill
Good flow. Needs to be longer to get proper feed, bud.
Is this your first time/rapping/writing? Would like to see a longer and more thoughtful piece.
If you wanna battle hit me up.
Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 2:06 pm
by HU22ICANE
as u guys can see under my avatar, it says
ROOKIE
lol
but yea i hope to get better at this rap game, and fasho ill add more to it, this was my first drop on the site so i just wanted to show everyone what im about. keep a lookout for more, thanks for the tips....
Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 3:35 pm
by Arvincible
Its not bad for an entrance. Its alot better than mine was!
the storm is coming, you cant escape from the force.
you seem so frightened, i got you runnin' like a horse.
^^^Ya best line HU22ICANE..
you already got structure and a little bit of flow...ya rhymes are a bit creativeAnd u got a funny metaphor goin to close it. AND u didnt really talk about sex and guns for an entry lol that's some points
This kid's got a lot of potential yo, truth speakin.
Stay Active or DIE
keep droppin and when u think ur ready, battle someone. PEaCe
Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 4:49 pm
by MesaR
atleast this is easy readable, structure was cool, not many multis and basic metaphores keep up tho
Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 12:53 am
by Haz
This Must Be your First Drop?
You Brought a Bit of Imagery your First Bar
your Flow was Cool Wasnt Nothing Wrong wid it
your Similies Were Pretty Basic ,
Thats Somethin i Think you Should Work on
when your Writing a Metaphor expand your Mind
it Really doesnt Matter What you Come with
Or how unusual it is, just let it Be Creative & Somethin dat Makes sense
Anyways Hope 2 See u Drop More
Stay Active
Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 3:48 am
by HU22ICANE
Yo ima be droppin more soon maybe today. Thanks everyone for the tips
Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 4:57 pm
by Meta-the-DEMON
Yeah, I saw traces of some nice literary techniques in there... You brought some imagery with the feel it in your glands thing... I say good job for a first drop and stay hungry.