Hip Hop Forum

Forgive me father above, but sinning is a past time
Dont judge me yet, Im not grinning like the last time
I repent for this crime, for it has me gasping for breath
I didnt mean to kill, its haunting me with a lasting effect
She tripped down the steps, theres nothin I could do
For this I regress, making me this way, you should to
Destroy me and start me anew, I need a new path
This soul is tortured, too constantly feel Demons wrath
No reason to laugh, blackened heart and a perverse mind
Goals are slackened to start, please God just reverse time
I need to go back, not long, only 5 years if you will please
Before crack of dawn, when I was praying in a cool breeze
The day I took a lighter to the book, and casted away pride
The day my earth shook, I no longer fasted for god at my side
The day of my first killing, I can still feel the knife in his chest
Death was overly willing, because he didnt fight like the rest
Need hate to compress, took to long God, lets test with him
Until you say Im wrong to my face, I just found my next victim
Hope you sit with em, when I kill to win, take your son and stab it
Sorry to send you another one, pity, that my sins have become habit


Little story bout a serial killer who threw away religion and now kills people for fun, he regrets the last one because he didnt mean to kill her and wants to be accepted back by God, but being he can never hear God, he just says "Fine then" and keeps killing people because the higher power isn't saying not to. Now killing is just a habit for him.

Message was decent, everything came through pretty solid...I think you could've been a little 3 dimensional for it, for the most part. Another thing your story should be explanatory enough, to where you don't need to post such a description. Next time work, on conveying the message a little more. Other then that it was pretty solid, good transitions. Felt the flow could have been smoother, but for topicals...Everyone's got a diffrent rhyme scheme, so whatever works for you.

Hazards Kill List To Illist

Leave Feed On IT

Thanks for the feed. I'll leave feed on yours.

thought it could of have a lil bit more description and some imagery but the flow was pretty good i liked the story though and you got it across nicely for the most part,

Forgive me father above, but sinning is a past time
Dont judge me yet, Im not grinning like the last time
I repent for this crime, for it has me gasping for breath
I didnt mean to kill, its haunting me with a lasting effect

i liked the beginnin man

No doubt..General Section is alot different then the scripts...You know jokes are jokes, but wen it needs to be real it is.

Thanks for the feed, Ghost.

Orlando - Yeah, that's what's good about this site. People talk shit all the time, but when it comes down to respect it's mainly kept out of serious topics, like someones work they spent time on.

Destroy me and start me anew, I need a new path
This soul is tortured, too constantly feel Demons wrath
No reason to laugh, blackened heart and a perverse mind
Goals are slackened to start, please God just reverse time
I need to go back, not long, only 5 years if you will please
Before crack of dawn, when I was praying in a cool breeze
The day I took a lighter to the book, and casted away pride
The day my earth shook, I no longer fasted for god at my side
The day of my first killing, I can still feel the knife in his chest
Death was overly willing, because he didnt fight like the rest

loved that part^,good job overall tho man

Forgive me father above, but sinning is a past time
Dont judge me yet, Im not grinning like the last time
I repent for this crime, for it has me gasping for breath
I didnt mean to kill, its haunting me with a lasting effect <-- Wow at Dis Lil Clip

That Shit Was Deep Son, Fa'real .. The "lasting effect" Line just Topd it Off..



No reason to laugh, blackened heart and a perverse mind
Goals are slackened to start, please God just reverse time
^ Deep..
u Really Come strong in dese kinda Pieces i dunno

The day I took a lighter to the book, and casted away pride
The day my earth shook, I no longer fasted for god at my side
The day of my first killing, I can still feel the knife in his chest
Death was overly willing, because he didnt fight like the rest

The day I took a lighter to the book, and casted away pride
The day my earth shook, I no longer fasted for god at my side < Crazy Symbolism

I Felt That Shit so Much Man, i Can Relate To it Like Crazy
ur One Poetic Motha Fuckah lol



LMAO i Aint Even Know it Wus About a Serial Killer
Till i Read Like Da Last Few Lines
Not Sayin U Didnt Stick To Concept, u Just Brought a Different Bill in Dis Piece i guess

Good Shit Anyways

8/10

Stay Up & Stay Active

Dope, I really enjoyed the story. N you've really improved as far as Multies and flow goes.

I repent for this crime, for it has me gasping for breath
I didnt mean to kill, its haunting me with a lasting effect

Destroy me and start me anew, I need a new path
This soul is tortured, too constantly feel Demons wrath
No reason to laugh, blackened heart and a perverse mind
Goals are slackened to start, please God just reverse time
I need to go back, not long, only 5 years if you will please
Before crack of dawn, when I was praying in a cool breeze
The day I took a lighter to the book, and casted away pride
The day my earth shook, I no longer fasted for god at my side

^ MY fav bars. Good job homie

THIS SHIT WAS WACK

....jk its some deep shit like always
you keepin that shit rollin when it comes down to the concept
i liked ur flow man, uve improved alot on your flow nad structure and
especially ur multis. Really elevated compared to a few months back.
this piece has a strong tone to it. really creepy and cynical.


I repent for this crime, for it has me gasping for breath
I didnt mean to kill, its haunting me with a lasting effect
She tripped down the steps, theres nothin I could do
For this I regress, making me this way, you should to

No reason to laugh, blackened heart and a perverse mind
Goals are slackened to start, please God just reverse time

those were the best parts, i liked it alot

i give you an 8.3/10 good shit.

yeah this was nice. good solid flow like the other piece. coulda probably used a little more imagery. decent multis. everything has already been said that i wanted to say about this. overall it was a good piece. 7/10

Hope you sit with em, when I kill to win, take your son and stab it
Sorry to send you another one, pity, that my sins have become habit
^^^^
nice closer. probably my favourite line

Much better man.

Keep it up.

"No reason to laugh, blackened heart and a perverse mind
Goals are slackened to start, please God just reverse time "