Hip Hop Forum

This is a hypothetical analysis of societies ocular embezzlement
Blind to see the relevance in a world where theres no settlements
Rather have ya be heaven sent, the minds centrifugal axis's bent
Theres no scientifical developement, knowledge now is an abolishment
Fightin over a miniscule reddish cent, no variety just gun fetishes
Government establishes lies in the mind, and shows societies blemishes
The mighty leader implements disrelishes, and then the man publishes
His rules and then punishes cruely, for those who claim some of this un ruly
Engrained as a unwritten excused duty, dont fight the smitten n be abused brutally
Who is HE? The maker of lies, the taker of lives, the faker that makes your demise
The leader in your eyes, he is the bleeder of our time, spilling blood with no mind
Distilling yours from mine, and killing those who have obtained the power of light
With no shower from night, too coward to fight, makes life too sour to like
And we cower with fright, from the snarl of the man with evil eyes keep glaring
And the face of stone with steep staring, and deep blaring, will blast decibels
Drunk with power will out last the chemicals, he will whip you for behavior
Plastered morals in concrete he's the mind paver, but he is not our time's savior
He will not be your souls saver, and this is just the beginning, the future looks graver

damn nigga nice word play wit da shit lol i was gonna tell u every rhyme u write practice it outload dawg so ur flow could get better mic wise and jus put emotion 2 every word u spit nigga u should be straight

Alright, thanks for the tips and the feed man.

this was nice man. u had the dictionary out for this one i take it. Flow was solid and the verse had good content. vocab was really really good. my only criticism was i didnt know what the fuck you were talking about at parts of it. it was quite a complex verse and i understood most of it but sometimes a simple blunt statement is better. i mean sometimes the verse can get a bit too complex that the message is lost. anyway possibly one of your best writtens yet. keep droppin

This is a hypothetical analysis of societies ocular embezzlement
Blind to see the relevance in a world where theres no settlements
Rather have ya be heaven sent, the minds centrifugal axis's bent
Theres no scientifical developement, knowledge now is an abolishment
Fightin over a miniscule reddish cent, no variety just gun fetishes
Government establishes lies in the mind, and shows societies blemishes

this was my favourite section.

I have a really extensive vocabulary but never full utilize it due to laziness. Sometimes I checked to make sure I was using the words in the right context, otherwise, no, I didn't need a dictionary, haha.

Thanks for the feed.

Man i gave u the feed on AIM, but yeah this some high-diction bruh

Ur improving so much and ur really shaping ur style, i give u mad props for pushin tho.

Peace

abused brutally
Who is HE? The maker of lies, the taker of lives, the faker that makes your demise
The leader in your eyes, he is the bleeder of our time, spilling blood with no mind
Distilling yours from mine, and killing those who have obtained the power of light
With no shower from night, too coward to fight, makes life too sour to like
And we cower with fright

^ Yo i Really Liked This Fragment man , the Flow Was ill , you Had Sick ass Vocab
u Came Complex.. & im Pretty Sure i Know Wut Ur Talkin About

Were you talkin about George bush?

"the leader in your eyes he is the bleeder of our time "?

Thats What i Thought The Piece Was About i Could be Wrong
Let Me know

Anyways Good Shit homie , Keep Droppin

Not just him but how blind society is as a whole. "Ocular embezzlement" - Stolen sight, lol.

Thanks for the feed.

Nice job dude, you're really starting to blossom lol. N you do have quite the fuckin vocabulary eh? lol

Fave Bit:


Dont fight the smitten n be abused brutally
Who is HE? The maker of lies, the taker of lives, the faker that makes your demise
The leader in your eyes, he is the bleeder of our time, spilling blood with no mind

Very interesting choice of words.

I liked it...made it almost seem overly poetic though, cuz as I read it...as much as I enjoyed it, it felt like I was reading something out of distilled concepts. Which in itself isn't bad either. It just had a poetic feel to it with a smidge of political and with all the 4-syl words and bigger...gave it it's "poem'ish" flavor which took away from it's hip-hop intentions.

I liked it. If anything, big vocabulary or not...I know this took quite some time to write. Good drop? Yes Worth taking the time to read? Definately. But was the vocab too much? No. Not this time atleast. It's good to see sumthin different...I just wouldn't make it a habit to start making all ur drops so "lyrically intense" haha Your doin great Bill.

Wild Bill wrote: I didn't need a dictionary, haha.

I need one..lol.. your vocab, wooow - simply stunning!! but i gotta underline HKX's point about improving your mic flow, cause unless ur sick at spittin on the mic, u wouldn't be able to spit that.. can picture immortal technique pullin it off, and that kinda says it all.. but other then that: I'm impressed!!

Thanks for all the feed. It's appreciated.

this is dope flow is great very complexed vocab actually made since...good drop