Hip Hop Forum

so read my slick spittin rhymes
to my sick written lines
revise my lyrics rewind
and you'll find this spirit inside
to dumb to hear it is way to kind
leave it a minute pick up its shine
leave dem haters and haternation to there shit crimes
way to shit to reverse mine
mafucka step right up
try to put a fight up
ya niggers rhymes are tied up
i think its time ya ride up
bonnie and clyde us
tryna be da ruff ryders
all in one
shot ya down lyrics like guns guns
strayed spirit like nuns
ya missed da fright fun
ya life's goin down tonight son
til ya find da right stun
to shut me up and make this fight won
i go fo mine wit dis might gun
straight towards some
award run the london marathon
to fucked up to carry on
carry guns shit i marry'em
wait this scally dum
keep goin til ya go numb
if this niggers rappin run
cause ya ears will scar
turn dat shit down like openin a pill jar
tell me did ya get very far
dissin me the star
i really dont give a shit who da fuck you are

uppin fo feed pls

yo style has a particular rhythm to it whenver i read your writtens, but i gotta say ur starting to learn the basics. The main problem here (for constructive criticism) is that its far too basic, you have to come out with some thing that can captivate the readers a little more. cuz it wasnt that great of a read. You come up with better concepts or topics that you can rap about and just let it all out.

Keep it up though, ur improving a lot.

peace

thanks man
i'll keep tyrin 2 cum up wit somin

is the 4th line missing a word? and is it 'inside'?

thanks man i must of missed it thanks fo tellin me

You're definetley improving. The structure I felt that i was kind of like reading a poem, the way it was set up kind of, with the short lines and all.

Like Arv said, only real problem is how basic it is, but, that comes with continuing on with writing. Broaden your vocabulary, how you use words, and just elevate your level of thinking when you sit down to write.

Elevating good man.

Thanks Bill
i'll try'n work on it