let's go to your place

[Old Rotten]

"Let's go to your place"




I can't write/
I sit up all night staring a blank screen/
trying desperatly to figure out what my thoughts mean/
and then it happens/
involuntary movement of the keyboard/
sort of simalar to waves crashinon the seashore/
I think I'm just bored with being an unemployed whore with a taste for lifes daily little wars/
but I'm not sure/
If's theres one thing that I do know it is nothing/
I keep showing up for something/
soul crushing is a spectator sport/
when I was eight I built a fort in my mothers back yard/
and I wish it was still standing so I could hide in it/
instead of finding new ways to collide with pointless shit/
I would read my aquaman, down a capri sun and delight in it/
ride with it/
feel the bliss of nothingness/
head over to the neighbor girls house and steal a kiss/
grab a little change from mom's purse and buy some sugar coated bliss/
I often wish that life was a bitch/
but life ain't a bitch shes an insult comic with a sharp tongue and a heart thats bruttaly honest/
lie to me lady!!/
tell me its okay!/
tell me I'm not crazy and this'll all work out some day/
make me belive that somehow someway I will emerge unscathed from this fray
with a lot less debts to pay/
but anyways/
I went and got off topic and must apologize/
just another side effect of mental demise/
I can't write and that is the point of this poem/
and if you ever meet me would please take me home?

Please take me home
Please take me home
I don't wanna be alone
I don't wanna answer the phone
Please take me home I won't cause you no worries
I just need a place to scurry

Would you please take me home?/
I'll water your plants/
I've got a few jokes and know how to dance/
After all I'm only a victim of circumstance/
thats why I own these pants/
Now I know I may not be the best looking cat/
my eyes are slanted and my earlobes are fat/
when I smile I kind of resemble Arifat/
but my luggage is packed and I rarley smoke crack/
I've got a few kids don't ask where there at/
I've forgoten ones name but the others named Pat/
His mother was an egyptian acrobat/
Please don't ask how I stumbled on that/
Can I come with you?/
I dont care where we're headed/
I've got walking shoes and three bucks on the unleaded/
If you except my proposal I'm forever indebted/
The checks in the mail I just went and sent it/
I'm reformed reorganized reprogrammed and repented/
I repented yesterday and am expectant of credit/
I cancled my lease and my documents shredded/
and I feel that you are my next segment/
So give it some thought while I sleep in your shrubs/
I don't abuse most women and am no longer a thug/
I'm simply a man in need of a hug and a foot rub and love and the occasional shove.

Please take me home
Please take me home
I'm not fully grown
I can't be alone
Please take me home I wont cause you no stress
I just need a place to rest


I'm loyal to a fault with a scathing case of the gimmies/
I think it goes back to when I lost Jimmie/
My self respect is flimsy and I grimace at a challenge/
I often get dizzy and lose my balance/
some might say that I'm cold and calice but they are isignifgant maggots/
I'm not so bad, there are worse men/
Dahmer,Gacey Bundy I've got nothing on them/
The worst I might do is stab you with a pen/
but I type these days so your safe from that trend/
again I can't write which was supposed to be the theme/
I can babble in script form and not know what I mean/
I think its the voice in my head being mean/
and bythe way her name is Jean/
You may get to meat her if you are kean/
she walks softly and carries a phsychosis machine/
she educates me on the ways of the streets/
I repay her by obeying her screams/
but don't be alarmed I'm a marvelous companion/
I'm only a danger to woman named shannon, or jane or cindyand especially Kim/
And your name is Kim so there may be a problem/
I'm trying to quit so don't get freaked out/
and would you kindly point me in the direction of your house?

Please take me home
Please take me home
My Illness has grown
I can no longer roam
Please tak me home I wont cause you no pain
I just need a place to remain.



This life is an unsolvable puzzle with a missing piece/
my thoughts are my disease and my disease won't seem to cease/
I'll follow youwherever you maylead/
Just please take me home and let me blead.

[Brah-Vo]

that was just like a wall of txt. Of what i read it was decent. Just abit simple.
try and work on your structure so we can catch the flow abit easier.
keep up fam.

[Old Rotten]

not my best work ... just tryin to get somthin up so i can battle...

[Borat]

I agree, structure would make this alot easier to read.
I do enjoy your chorus, your bars were a bit stretched from time to time.
but i do like the shit you write. keep it up your not bad at all.

[Old Rotten]

It cut and paste wrong should be more readable now...thank you all for the critique