Orion's Opus

Old Rotten · Post by **Old Rotten** » Tue Dec 30, 2008 1:31 pm

Dynamic drastic dialect deploys darts of intellect / determined to destroy dirty dignitaries of disrespect / dillusionary aspects of artistic atrophy divulge freely the decaying state of his sanity / as he worships vanitie's victims / and longs for vicarious soul systems / of surreal soundwaves filtered and fermented forests of familiar faces forbearing conclusive responses in response to redundant chases / facless fearing further misfortune / misguided mannurisms mistakes maxamized for the memory parralax purposes of the passifistic tribe / all-togethor alive allthough altered adherently disfigured and drasticly denied / plastic leaves subside opening optimal optical illusions Orion's opus openly displayes dream state oppurtunities mothers magnificent master mistake miss used ammunities pressed purpose plastered in text and vivid color combinations /gladly given god's glorious vision / in exchange for an exchange of external empathy and education of endless empty emcees

Jesodist · Post by **Jesodist** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 3:41 am

Flow was a lil choopy some words sounded forced and rhymed with nothing but the idea was there. I like the words you used here bro. I hardly see people rhyme big words in the site prolly caz they dont have a degree or just dont like it.
I liked this whole verse lotta meaning in each line.
If you really wrote this respect for you bro.

Old Rotten · Post by **Old Rotten** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 10:09 am

just some alliteration practice....props for the critique

The Gonz · Post by **The Gonz** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 10:53 am

Pretty good. Great use of vocabulary, reminds me of a more sophisticated version of Blackalicious' Alphabet Aerobics the way you used words with the same letter throughout. Like stated above, the flow is choppy and the structure could be organized better. Break up the bars a bit instead of making it appear as a giant run-on sentence. Some seems forced, but it does appear to be more of an exercise than an actual verse. Overall, good content and decent drop to say the least.

ScottJames · Post by **ScottJames** » Thu Jan 01, 2009 4:51 am

vocab...too complex for me
flow.. none...
multis? barely any
creative? yes.

this to me, is more like poetry

- Mutual - · Post by **- Mutual -** » Thu Jan 01, 2009 7:52 pm

this was great aliteration
nice vocab and the flow was a lil choppy
but it came out pretty good
thought put into each line
an a dope read bro
keep'em comin

Orion's Opus

Orion's Opus

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