taken for granted

[Quix]

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/it-wa ... 11287.html


I knew it would happen...
look, The day has come, and the parades are done
The cheers are finished and the hurrays were sung
You saved the state, and helped our Existance
shit gets over looked now, the publics not as Presistant
they appreciate you, and erything you have done
but don't realize, a future?? you have none!
you risked the world, for erything including your own Girl
your kids, your family ... erythings gone, cuz of that BAton Twirl
they don't feel whats real...they feel a simple ceremony will Sufice
but i lost soo many men, all i wanna do is Take my Life
for all my mishaps, and mistakes i write. hope to Re pay the guys
Who's lifes they insisted tah Risk it and Stayed Behind
who shed thre red blood for the innocent soles,
just so we can have a chance to Fulfill there Inifinite Goals
or loose, and choose to be evil, expressing there Syndicate Role!
whatever the case, in any weather or race...what ever the place
this brought us all together indever to Better our faith!

[Momeijah]

This Was Ok, Not One Of The Better Ones ive Seen From u (Which Are Usually Punchline Drops), But it's Good To See u Writing About Other Topics And Although ur Not as Fluent With These, u Have a Good Grasp Of The General idea. Time To Make it Suit ur Style Even More id Say But That's Gnna Be Constantly Happening.

Good 1st Bar Setting The Scene, And i Kinda Guessed From That And More Bars That it Was About The Military? it Was a Kinda Vague And Sketchy Drop For Getting ur Point Across, The Flow Fell Off at Some Parts And Some Multis Didn't Fall into Place Well if u Know What im Saying. Most Of Them Weren't Forced But The Use Of Them Kinda Jumped The Flow a Little.

a Few Good Quotables in There, Try And Pack These Drops With Quotables And Thought Provoking Lines And Follow My Above Advice. Still it Wasn't a Bad Drop Though, i Just Feel That it Didn't Come Out as Smoothly as u 1st imagined. Keep Dropping.

[Quix]

allright....thanks for the Feed. Respect for yah critism doggy!!

-- Fri Jul 24, 2009 1:42 am --

thanks ^

bump!