To be a man (freestyle/poem)

[Absolute]

This is an old topical freestyle from rapembassy.net that i had, originally titles "bored freestyle". Enjoy. uppin for feedback..


The guy said "hey mom, lets get it on" - then he moves on, and the child knows the dad less than he can recite "Kublah Khan"/
Grows up in time, with the hatrid of misplacement towards the man in which he shares faces/
Advances a couple of spaces, rides a couple of space-ships, mid-journey finds a replacement for his hatrid and despises all racists/
See, he loves all races, but all his white teachers tell him he cant til the day when he walked in the class with a pen in hand/
Meets his girl-frand(freind), tells her he loves her but cant even describe his feelins in his estranged vernacular/
Need-less-to-say she leaves him hurt, so he joins the army talkin about "arm me" and never gets hit/
A couple of cartridge fits from watchin the backs of kids, gains all this power, doesnt know what to do with it/
His end came quick, I promise it, heat of battle rises as they over run the battlements/
Over-reacted verbatum attachments, Rancid enchantments skew acid til his body gets slanted/
The outcome is exactly what happens when an intergallactic combatant runs rampent/
Yet shit is still stagnnent, movement unchanged/
Quotes like "oh behave" and "the dead are brave" remain as proof of our claim/
That is still un-sorted, when our slang is the reason this leader of great importance is slain/
He lives in all our brain, could be you, could the be rhyme we sang, could be generations to came/
Damn...All I know, is if you decide to poke a hole inside a ho, be ready to accept what it really means to be a man...

[QwarterZ]

This was purdy cool I'm feeling it, very different in my eyes

Quotes like "oh behave" and "the dead are brave" remain as proof of our claim/
That is still un-sorted, when our slang is the reason this leader of great importance is slain
^^^^I'm feeling that

but you really touched on different tones with this which made it tight and I liked it, felt very refreshing!
keep writing my dude, oh and the structure of yours might need some work...other then that no biggy from me
keep writing!

[-MenaCe-]

Im feelin this drop...good wordplay and the concept was good..keep em comin



Feed needed:
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/1minm ... ml#p126245

[Absolute]

Good lookin on the feed. Uppin for more. And mind you, that was a freestyle. But i agree my structure could improve.