Some Bars of Fury

[Vaughn]

combustible fumes ravage hearts off of general principle
piercing braincells with savage dart
archery diggin for minerals and kidney stones skipping foes
across eerie lakeshores I create wars without fare/fair tactical prowess
vicious atrocities poetically start beef and raise degrees like hot sex with erect endowments
clutching powerful substances in a sense to the sixth exponent
spittin intelligent til heads get severed under direct embarassment
battle and emcee forum embellishments spreading my talent to gain bread with mayo and pickle relish
thugs talk trash with legs of gelatin and marshmallow backbones I rap poems in casings of spittle adversaries perish
fucking up minds of branded livestock swamping and stomping lives heaving battle bars southern dipped and country fried
amongst traverse footsteps of jam I excret from toes with a stench potent enough to make skunks run and hide
no mortal could Kombat with my fatality techniques or the blades I've swung
removing scrotums from where they once hung, Vaughn comes to expose soft spots in styles like blueberry muffin crumbs
on my worst day scaring battle rappers to shit skid boxers needing underwear repairments
in front of their thick jawns after my dick brawn bores between child bearing hips I cherish the clit
it's my pleasure to treasure it with high yella dick measurement
the hell with lameballs Excaliburs brain is raw botulism fluid spitting acidic juices
more than 2 quarters of my life is music I guarantee my rhymes influence when my mind is fluent
I black out and black and blue kids until their flesh is riddled with graphic bruises
and condusive wrath that's gruesome makes thousands of lives leave coinciding with this raps conclusion....

[QwarterZ]

the bars were furious
and seemed a bit fast...ly written

LOL! either way this would be dope
if the structure was fixed up.....I mean this might sound dope in your head, but writing it comes out differently

if you understand what I'm saying either way not to down on the whole thing some of it was sick

the hell with lameballs Excaliburs brain is raw botulism fluid spitting acidic juices
more than 2 quarters of my life is music I guarantee my rhymes influence when my mind is fluent

if your tryna talk me....................good job LoL!

[Riggz]

Yea Vaugh, i've heard your freestyle, so I'm sure you spit it like this.. but of course my advice would be that when you post your writtens, structure it more. Right now, a lot of it seems like run on sentences even with the hints of sickness through out.

"no mortal could Kombat with my fatality techniques or the blades I've swung
removing scrotums from where they once hung, Vaughn comes to expose soft spots in styles like blueberry muffin crumbs "