Welcome to Illest Lyrics forum established in 2005.
----
Free Vapes

..

Drop your written rhymes in one of the largest collections of original rhymes on the internet. The feedback in our Written Rhymes section will simply amaze you.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend

Post Reply
User avatar
Munteskue_lol
Elite Freestyler
Offline
Posts: 305
Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2010 3:05 pm
Wins: 4
Losses: 5

..

Post by Munteskue_lol »

..
Last edited by Munteskue_lol on Wed Dec 15, 2010 5:38 am, edited 9 times in total.
User avatar
complexity
Elevated
Offline
Posts: 9702
Joined: Mon Jan 02, 2006 9:09 am
Wins: 48
Losses: 15
Location: Maine
Contact:

Re: Simplicity

Post by complexity »

With some of the subjects that you touched on, I would expect this drop to be a lot more aggressive. That is just an observation, not a critique.

As for the verses, they were quite mediocre. If I were you, I would strive to keep a bit more consistency, I know its easier said than done, but a few of your bars "love for the streets", "covers and sheets", "felonies", "telling me". You're falling in a trap, where you're relying on the scheme instead of creativity. That is very important to remember.

The third verse was probably the strongest to me. Nothing terrible though, its not like this is garbage, a great verse to record for a beginner or someone who is just getting into it.
Image

Check out our Vapes for great prices.
User avatar
Munteskue_lol
Elite Freestyler
Offline
Posts: 305
Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2010 3:05 pm
Wins: 4
Losses: 5

Re: Simplicity

Post by Munteskue_lol »

Thx for the feed, I'll work on that
User avatar
deafshady
Rhyme Master
Offline
Posts: 178
Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2009 8:43 am
Wins: 1
Losses: 3
Location: in my mind

Re: Simplicity

Post by deafshady »

i wld love to collab wit ya but i aint sure if u want me to be on it??
Image
User avatar
Munteskue_lol
Elite Freestyler
Offline
Posts: 305
Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2010 3:05 pm
Wins: 4
Losses: 5

Re: Simplicity

Post by Munteskue_lol »

of course you can collab dude i'm not gonna be a dick about it... just make sure it's real and from the heart no " i'm so ill i am cold and kill" or anything lol
User avatar
MOEstradamus
Flow Creation
Flow Creation
Offline
Posts: 1187
Joined: Mon Jun 22, 2009 5:07 am
Wins: 7
Losses: 6
Location: Naptown
Contact:

Re: Simplicity

Post by MOEstradamus »

this shit right here was nice i liked the read but it was very weak vocab wise very ez to follow almost to the point it was boring but it still kept my attention work on using more complexity in your rhymes maybe some multis, inner multis, punches, or even strong metaphors listen to some different kinds of artist like copywrite or jr writer, maybe old skwl big daddy kane or rakim widen your knowledge of the rap game and you will improve
Image
User avatar
trubblecleff
Novice
Offline
Posts: 67
Joined: Wed May 19, 2010 8:52 am
Wins: 0
Losses: 1

Re: Simplicity

Post by trubblecleff »

out of the ones i read of yours this is my favorite. decent story tellin and a real message. but rap has evolved basic ryhmes and rhyme schemes cant hold up unless you wanna be a ringtone. not trying to step on you i really enjoyed this one.
Post Reply

Return to “Written Rhymes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 11 guests