Tryin some word play

[FlipSide]

Im ill wit it fillin prescriptions like kavorkian
I murked many men..my hoods hurses a minivan/
Gimmie dat, i work big your worth is a penny man
I hurt kids, if they really wack then give em a hand
Powder n slap, dont call me dad im urmommas pimp
Go hard n make yall limp.. scared ta follow a spit
From a nigga thats fit, them 4 hour vigras Aint shit

Reflectins over-wit im comfy with my image
Experienced some slippege ...runnin over bitches
I boil shit and aim at cha face like an inmate

My minds states unstable, Aftermath of quakes
Im able ta shake ya fables, Exopse tales dats fake/
then aim at they brims ta twist fitteds with spits
hittin by-standards n kids like gang violence/
This the life i live, no acting but u mimin...
Manakin Fashions, like old navys sales tactiks/
I recycle old shit then throw it in trash bins
Da audience clappin when i close lids on has beens/
Pussys with untouched hymens im thrashin
Im saddened that im surrounded by virgins/
Cuz my styles insertin the wording thats hurtin
Shut ya sight of the light the curtains im closin/
fuck what u like.. this feed is all forced kid
Im buck wild leave this site full of horse shit/
Trample the poor like the return of the romans
Take all u own quick like the ceasers palace/
Im after this cash wit da plan of dead presidents
A chick maganet ...all over asses like desitin
I "pine" sol-ve dudes clean hits I "box" a bitch
Insert in a ditch N get obituary priviliges/

[MOEstradamus]

Im ill wit it fillin prescriptions like kavorkian
I murked many men..my hoods hurses a minivan/
nice lil bar here wasnt really feelin the last line here... it is a very old concept but it fit good so nice job
Gimmie dat, i work big your worth is a penny man
I hurt kids, if they really wack then give em a hand
multis where off here and it threw the flow off at the end of the 2nd line watch your multis bro
Powder n slap, dont call me dad im urmommas pimp
Go hard n make yall limp.. scared ta follow a spit
From a nigga thats fit, them 4 hour vigras Aint shit
nice lil bit here flow was a bit choppy here and there i didnt even see any shots at a multi here

Reflectins over-wit im comfy with my image
Experienced some slippege ...runnin over bitches
I boil shit and aim at cha face like an inmate

My minds states unstable, Aftermath of quakes
Im able ta shake ya fables, Exopse tales dats fake/
then aim at they brims ta twist fitteds with spits
hittin by-standards n kids like gang violence/
This the life i live, no acting but u mimin...
Manakin Fashions, like old navys sales tactiks/
I recycle old shit then throw it in trash bins
Da audience clappin when i close lids on has beens/
Pussys with untouched hymens im thrashin
Im saddened that im surrounded by virgins/
Cuz my styles insertin the wording thats hurtin
Shut ya sight of the light the curtains im closin/
fuck what u like.. this feed is all forced kid
Im buck wild leave this site full of horse shit/
Trample the poor like the return of the romans
Take all u own quick like the ceasers palace/
Im after this cash wit da plan of dead presidents
A chick maganet ...all over asses like desitin
I "pine" sol-ve dudes clean hits I "box" a bitch
Insert in a ditch N get obituary priviliges/

ok over all of this your flow kinda falls off in spots i think its cuz you are using no multis at all and even if the last part of each word rhymes that doesnt mean the word will.... and you really didnt go after word play you went more for metaphors.... word play is more of a play on words like tell a gram/tellagram..... get it.... metaphors is green lika dollar bill get it bro keep trying tho you had some good set ups for metaphors... i like that you tryed to be a lil more complex with your rhymes here which is a good sign....

I recycle old shit then throw it in trash bins
Da audience clappin when i close lids on has beens/

see this was a good line possibly the best line you had becuz your multi even tho it was a lil one it was still on point... and it went together good... alround your best line in this piece in my eyes...

keep it up just try and work on multis if you want some more help pm me or aim me i will talk it with you more that way... good piece tho keep it up your gettin better

[QwarterZ]

purdy nice ish, needs a lil' work
but hey we all need it, really feelin' it tho'
got some nice usage of word's in here
but it needs to be souped up a bit, some lines you don't need
some you might, just depends on how you read it
keep doin' you my dude!

[FlipSide]

thanks bro....i suck..lol...i need to take my time n not key