The evil i do

[Skeech]

I smoke a fat joint, drink on a forty
tell storys, ain't no hope for the shortys, they abandoned like baby mothers on maury, I'm goin with guts for the glory, this is my big shot so i take it like robert horry

I'm destined to win, victory i soak it in, hope not to be selling coke again,
back in the same boat again, what ocean am I floating in?, the bermuda triangle,
cuz i'm lost and my guardian angel has no halo, from the evil i do, i swear i'm goin to choke my P.O. in his cubicle,black gloves no d.n.a in my cuticles, suspect as usual, americas most wanted, i create carnage, when i bust shot thru your garmets, unload a full cartridge to have you missing like hoffas carcus.

[JDR]

Hmm. Def a key. You need to work on ya structure so ppl can follow it better

.....A.......B
.....A.......B
instead of
.......A.............A........A.....B......A etc

Besides that, rhymes are a bit basic. Try to pick a topic and stick with it. Tell it in a way that you feels creative and that others wouldn't say it in (original). Stay up, welcome to da site and keep droppin nigga.

[FlipSide]

Word the beggining was simple but even in this lil key theres progress....toward the end u tried to put some comples usage of words..and a lil meta in there.. just be creative like jack said and put a lil work in and u good

[JDR]

^ hahahaha. I know this like 2 days old but damn that cracked me up. I love how direct TOYH is. This nigga never sugar coats ANYTHING. Funny.

[complexity]

Actually. The way that Ruggged fixed the structure, made the verse read a lot smoother.

"I'm goin with guts for the glory/
This is my big shot so i take it like robert horry/
I'm destined to win, victory i soak it in/
Hope not to be selling coke again/"

My favorite lines.

The rest of the feedback applies. Don't be discouraged. If you learn the fundamentals, you'll get a lot better in no time.