The Wax Alien

[Kau the Lion]

Send out a message, these children's mind's are hungry//
Don't count the seconds, cuz then you always think time is money//
Imma dream w/ my eyes open, remember the past, let the dead walk//
Be myself, so quiet in this writers mind, you can hear a "pen" drop//

Good meta's and imagery throughout and you made sure to end it with the dopest 2 bars, IMO. Flow in the second verse faltered a bit. Some lines felt too short and some rhymes felt forced. Overall, a decent piece.

[complexity]

My eye's aren't shut, but I still see the darkness//
Only "perks" I get in life are outta other people's garbage//

[Ok, that's a good concept, but not a great punch]

Fuck Iron Man, it's 'Iron-E', geeking out, speeding down the highway//
Laughing cuz ya'll thinking bout mondays while I'm dreaming bout fridays//
Taking it slow, cuz everyone else is headed nowhere fast//
It's not that I don't see them falling, it's that I DON'T CARE, DAMN!//

[I'm not feeling this. I'm still waiting for that impact.]

They were never there for me, notebook's were my best friend//
When it came to peers, I pressed talk, but they pressed end//
Then saw me w/ my head down, asked me what I've been up to//
Gave em' a BIG FUCK YOU, "Damn Ruggz look at Karma, bitch loves you"//

[Excellent phrasing]

My candle will forever burn, n' don't you bitch asses forget it//
Cuz if I ever try my hardest, I'll be on the cover of Wax Poetics//
Stay shallow, never worry about getting in too deep//
Under the surface of my skin is a deep blue sea//
Green w/ envy... I'll paint this town red just so there's no gray matter//
You know? ... that has a nice ring to it, what you say Saturn?//

[Ill]


I'm "anti-christ", fell from grace, thinking "god you let me plummet"//
Sinking into this bottle of devil's water, drinking on an empty stomach//

[There we go, that's another sick one]

Imma firestarter, a prodigy, don't gotta mob deep to raise havoc//
I don't have to change myself in order to break habits//

[The first bar was great]

I'm solo dolo, too many cats gettin' their rat on//
Telling made up stories, dreamers getting their camp on//
Second hand bullshit, effects my health//
For real, It's black christmas w/ how I 'present' myself//

[Cool wordplay, not the most self evident meta, but another highlight from this piece]

I write for fun, going for Denver's top seed//
I'm like the sun, you can never off me//

[No!]

You can't hold a candle to me, bitch I flame on wax//
Fuck a record label, I'm highly "trained" but don't make "Con tracks"//

[Con wordplay never works at all]


A day walker turned night crawler, left handed living right minded//
Always ahead of the curve, never getting blind sided//

[cool]

Who want's to pay for my meds? Come lay in my bed?//
Cuz every time I'm alone, I try to brain storm, but it rain in my head//

[Rains in my head or its grammatically incorrect and doesn't interest me]

Going off like TNT, watch Imma get murdered probably//
But before the curtain's call me, Imma air out this dirty laundry//
I'm the only one in this dark tunnel who found light//
I got originality, all you 2pac's = "sound bites"//

[Think you could have came up with a better punch]

This shit is as real as ever, being a leader's got me feeling better//
Imma save this money for a rainy day, call me a bill collector//
Destiny's gonna "come for me", especially if I go down on her//
I love this game, the art of spitting makes my mouth water//
Got the world weighing on me, but my shoulder's never break//
Gonna "raise my capital", tired of being a lower letter case//



No more trying to make a living, now it’s time to make a killing//
Bury some seeds, sprinkle some water n' raise my children//
Send out a message, these children's mind's are hungry//
Don't count the seconds, cuz you always think time is money//
Imma dream w/ my eyes open, remember the past, let the dead walk//
Be myself, so quiet in this writers mind, you can hear a "pen" drop//

[Great closer]

Now. I'm reading it all the way through again to tell you my overall impression.

Favorite Bars.

Stay shallow, never worry about getting in too deep//
Under the surface of my skin is a deep blue sea//
Green w/ envy... I'll paint this town red just so there's no gray matter//
You know? ... that has a nice ring to it, what you say Saturn?//

I got lost on the direction of this piece beyond the idea of touching on all of them emotions in the image. I try not to act more intellectual than I actually am, and with three full verses that are relatively deep, I wouldn't want to say that I understood everything you were attempting to get across.

As far as complexity and wit, I'd rate this quite high. When it comes to punchlines and coherence slightly lower.

When you're as talented of a writer as you, even when you're zoned out on some remote island, you're still talking to people in a much more sophisticated and lucid manner than most. I just wanted to break this down as I see it. You're surely capable of acknowledging the weakness/strengths of this piece.