Orfadox vs. IntrinsicCadence (topical battle)

[IntrinsicCadence]

Topic as described by Flip:
Lets say u are the Pharaoh Of Egypt Durning Power Struggle Where your Priest Are Plotting Against You For Power. U can Outline The Political Power Moves You Would Make In Order To Maintain Power. Strategic Positioning Of Your Troops And Elite Guard. In Order To Protect your Life. All The While Upholding An Image of God Likeness In Front Of Your people. It would be wild to have you lose the struggle And be Murdered by Some Assasins That ur Enemy Sent. Or U Murder ur Opposition With A Fly Underhanded Technique That Allows You To Mantain Control Over The Government And Your Image In Front The People.

16-18 lines
Due Saturday

[Orfadox]

Aiight il get working on this

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[IntrinsicCadence]

At the head-of-the-Nile, I rule with an iron fist, like my scions always did.
You best to call me Sire, and if you ever defy my wish, it's off-with-your-head.

On this cross-you'll-be-dead, so step off or your life will be forced-to-an-end.
I've been anointed as the voice-of-the-dead, so bow to my will or it's your choice-to-be-bled.

But,“you've got an appointment with death,” is all-that-I-said to these insurgent clergymen.
I then send a stake straight-to-the-chests of these rebels who revel in the revelation of a pen.

I then assemble together the militant villagers and tell em to kill every swindler where he stands.
“If u follow-my-plan, I'll never smite u-or-your-fam, so fight these damn subverters with all-that-u-have.”

My call spreads through-the-land/ from the bless-ed fertile crescent to the far edges of the sand./
The essence of the message catches the ears- of the fiercest of peasants/ as well as the faithful and reverent./

With tears in their eyes, on both sides, some rise ready to die, causing their fear to subside,
While others are careful-to-hide, not wanting to be a part of the martyrdom that's happenin' nigh.

At the snap-of-my-hand, my cavalry carries the war to the homes of the poor, where the priests hold the sway,
And in a feast of blood my beats of prey annihilate whoever stands-in-the-way of my invincible-aims.

With my own Nefertiti by my side, I ain't never gonna fade, and together we will forever reign.
As the dust-of-war-wanes, and my victory is but one breath away, I clutch her close with no words to say.

With a thrust-from-her-blade, she cuts straight through my skin-and-my-veins, while she utters a venomous phrase,
“You will never change, so I'mma sever your life and as your wife take your throne and lead the people home.”

Lights out...

[Orfadox]

Aiight Il Drop Mine Tomorrow That Cool?

[IntrinsicCadence]

Iz coo man, drop whenever you can... I'm awaitin..

[Orfadox]

As i watch out on my kingdom im keeping an eagle eye
aware of treacherous lies but i posess a will to survive
but these secrets fly all through this promised land
so subconciously im well aware that im a wanted man
so now as i watch the sunrise im surprised to find
my faithful servant as he speaks with words wise
"i have unfortunate news the people are trying to take our power"
as he steadys himself "they'll be here in an hour"
i try not to panic gather my men and prepare for attack
"make me proud stand together and fight bravely back"
so now i anticipate the invasion that is about to come
i stand with every soldier around me they must be dumb
so i postion my men for a surprise tactile ambush
"stay hidden wait for the signal when we see them run"
as the final minutes approach its just me and my faithful aid
i can feel the blood pouring but i never even saw the blade

[TheNobleOne]

alright here is how its going down

first off, that topic is much too broad to try and describe with 18 lines. shit was wayyyyyyyy to detailed.

and secondly, neither of the dudes followed the topic. they basically went off how they were being conspired against and how they died. really had nothing to do with the topic. which i cant blame you guys because the topic was just bad for this.

IC had some pretty cool rhymes. i was diggin the whole savage killin shit. the ending was pretty cool too. i feel like you had twice the amount of rhymes than orfadox though.

orfadox came clean and kept it short. i would have liked to see him write some more so it would seem a bit more fair. he had a nice story but i felt he had to cut it off short because of the line limit.

so by default i would have to give this to IntrinsicCadence.

[The Gonz]

I agree, way too deep/complex of a topic to drop only 18. There are just too many areas to cover to be descriptive enough with that kind of bar limit.

IC, I thought your verse was the most descriptive. Very detailed and precise for such a broad topic. I thought your end rhymes were pretty basic though and the entire verse would sound more polished with the use of multies. You had a couple multies, but I don't think the rhymes match up well in text. Could be different in audio. You had a couple reverse internal rhymes in a few lines, but I'm not sure if you did that on purpose or if it was purely coincidence. Good imagery as well.

Orf, you chose to keep it short and definitely a bit more audio-friendly. You had more multies than IC did, which I think gives you the edge in the Flow category. The bar limit really left you with your hands tied since you seem to have the "do more with less" style.

While both verses were well executed for the limited amount of bars set, I think this battle would have been more interesting with a much longer bar amount. I felt like it was a battle of two painters, told to paint a picture with only 10 brush strokes. Props for the execution though, must have been tough to write a story that intricate with such little breathing room.

I've gotta give the vote to IC though. His verse, while appearing to be longer, was much more detailed. This was a surprisingly close decision for me since I tend to lean towards the short verses, but IC's imagery was a step above Orf's. Good battle, yall.

[IntrinsicCadence]

Alright 2-0, any more votes?

[Orfadox]

aiight man we can wait for more votes or il just take the loss

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[Dana Riot]

Hmm, I felt both verses lacked where the other stood out. IC your structure threw me off, a lot of parts you-wrote-like-this didn't rhyme with each other, the whole piece did rhyme though the dashes kinda confused me. Orfadox I liked your tight flow and structure but the imagery was really basic compared to IC's.

My final vote goes to IC because I felt his did a better job of telling a story (in all categories) while Orfadox took more of the flow/rhyme/structure cats.

[Orfadox]

aiight thanks for the vote diva good battle IC

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[IntrinsicCadence]

Alright, that's the battle, good battle Orf, we'll have to do another topical battle someday.

Some Mod, that's 3-0 to me, u wanna close and update this thing...

[Omega Bill]

3-0 KO

Closed and Updated.