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8 bars (some new ish)

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Elite Punisher
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8 bars (some new ish)

Post by Elite Punisher »

Painting signs... of the Zodiac... on a Canvas.../
i murder in Sequence... celestial DNA on my fingerprint's/
i cause a frenzy behavior... & rampage the candidate's/
cause Anarchy with the CANNibal's ... my rugged Ledges are tangible /
standing between PILLAR with he righteous animals/
the wind in my body releases and causes A Continental drift/
ill control the final event's in your dream's... ill abstract you from your the Depth's of the pit... the thesis is
hypothetically this is a continuous scheme.../

one-night-stand-thoughts-vt20856.html d ... 20827.html
Last edited by Elite Punisher on Wed Mar 23, 2011 6:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
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MonuMental
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Re: 8 bars (some new ish)

Post by MonuMental »

This was a nice read bruh. The vocab was fuckin slick. Stay up and keep posting!!
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]

[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]
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FatalX
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Re: 8 bars (some new ish)

Post by FatalX »

the only thing I can say you need is some experience and learn to focus...good job
I CHANNEL all my ENERGY,
while my SPIRIT is SOLEMN//
you HEAR my WORDS in the STREETS-->
because I'm SPEAKING in VOLUMES//

I'm like the MEDIA with QUESTIONS-I never stop SHOOTING
so IF you really got a PROBLEM-we can make this EXCLUSIVE...//
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Elite Punisher
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Re: 8 bars (some new ish)

Post by Elite Punisher »

thanks for the feedback/ monuMental and Fatalx/ appreciate it very much :D
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Alvin
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Re: 8 bars (some new ish)

Post by Alvin »

Painting signs... of the Zodiac... on a Canvas.../
i murder in Sequence... celestial DNA on my fingerprint's/
Nice use of CELESTIAL, shows traces of intelligence
i cause a frenzy behavior... & rampage the candidate's/
cause Anarchy with the CANNibal's ... my rugged Ledges are tangible /
I saw the cross over rhyme, but it was still a bit of a rough transition so soon.
standing between PILLAR with he righteous animals/
the wind in my body releases and causes A Continental drift/
ill control the final event's in your dream's... ill abstract you from your the Depth's of the pit... the thesis is you can escape the landscape off the beast.../
hypothetically this is a continuous, conductive scheme.../
Kind of all over the place to be honest. Not bad, but a lot of room for improvement. Maybe post a legnthier piece and ill be able to point in better directions.
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