Murk McNasty versus Moneymaker (Murk Wins KO)

[Kuhlerblynd]

5 bars

House rules

No deadline, because Im sure you won't take forever to post. I'll have mine up shortly.

Let's get it...

Check.

[Moneymaker]

Check good luck

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[Kuhlerblynd]

Damn~you~funny, I damage~lovely while your brand~is~something
Like counterfeit, and I don't have to hit up Wall Street to learn how to handle~Money!!!

Of yours, I'm a fan~of~nothing, your verses show you just a rambling-faggot
In the battles forum, dudes pass Money around more than gambling-addicts!!!

This man-is-a-maggot, so beneath me, can't believe this dummy~just~pushed~me
When I make my reign in this bitch, I'm not talking bout stuffing Money~in~pussy!!!

It seems I'm hungry~for~rookies, but it's just to put them in place and take-them-down
In today's society, Money doesn't mean SHIT, unless it's being put into my bank-account!!!

On the wrong path, change-ya-route, pay attention and I'm not talking in past~tense
Illest got this high schooler so hooked, once he joined, the fucker hasn't been to class~since!!!



((change-pay-since/cents = all related to money))
[[Also, he's 14 from what I have gathered, so last line is personally correct about dude]]

[Moneymaker]

Yo murk I mean turk/
Imma blow u up like your part of afgan/

Man U Really Kiss ass/
Like you had that surgery by pass/

MURK can be skinny/
Cause bitches are always whimpy/

Break him like a stick and throw him at Pest/
So he can be put into place like a test/

His chances of winning are slim/
Murk better run and cry to Grimm/

Expos: Man U Really Kiss(MURK)

No disrespect to both Pest and Grimm

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

-- Mon Apr 11, 2011 8:05 pm --

Uppin for some fucking votes

[Alvin]

My vote doesnt have to count, But here it is.


Murk:

On the wrong path, change-ya-route, pay attention and I'm not talking in past~tense
Illest got this high schooler so hooked, once he joined, the fucker hasn't been to class~since!!!

Im not sure this is an effective insult. Itd be poop really if it wasnt for the wordplay. Thats the only weak bar i really noticed out of your battle. You seem to have taken every catagory.


Money:

You need to write more... Add more to your insults. I saw the name flip, which was original, but it was innefective as a whole. Try more wordplay, multies and things of that nature. Your heading in the right direction, Having murk talk to grimm lol, but there just isnt enough in this glass to take my vote.

MVGT MURK

[JDR]

Cat sweep to Murk. Better punches, multies, flow, creativity and so on

Moneymaker, lemme throw you a few pointers kidd..

Theres a lot of stuff you do right and understand well, which is good. Rhyming amd Structure seem to be no issue for ya. Heres a couple of things I would work on in addition to those two aspects of battlin'.

Don't come so basic.
Example...
"Break him like a stick and throw him at Pest/
So he can be put into place like a test/"

Think about that for a minute. To break like a stick is a punchline. To create a more complex punch, go more into detail about the stick breakin'. Lookin at the rest of the bar is juss filler to make it rhyme. Why throw him at Pest? That's irrelevant since Pest has nothing to do with this battle. And why is being put into place like a test? It's not. I would look at the bar I was writing and base the whole bar around my punch. If "breaking like a stick" is what your going with, center your bar around that instead of just trying to make it rhyme.

Remember though, when your setting up a punchline, make sure that what your saying is attacking your opponents credibility and making him look stupid. Absolutely destroy him with your words. Use the punchline as a way to describe the shit your doing or will do to make him feel or look like the dumbest piece of shit in the world.

Next, try to word your bars more complex to appeal to voters more. Maybe use a couple of multies to open the flow up more
Example...
"Yo murk I mean turk/
Imma blow u up like your part of afgan/"

for one that shit dont even rhyme. Turk and murk and then Afgan? You could of been like...

"Yo Murk, you prolly good for a couple of laughs man
so Imma blow u up like your part of a "Afgan"

Again, to set up your multies, find your punch and center your bar around that. if Afgan is what your working with, and you already have "part of a afgan" as your closure for the bar. Look at what words rhyme with afgan by breaking AF and GAN. Multies are real simple to create and as long as they make sense, voters will appreciate reading your verse more.

dont be so one dimentional
After you throw a few punches at him in multie form, try to include other things in your bar so its not so basic. Maybe look at his name. Like Jack can be played with in other words like "Jack Daniels, a car Jack, Speaker Jack, etc". Also look at some of the things he's done in the past on the site. Like if you remember how Murk mentioned watching gay porn before, include it. That's considered a personal. Anything that deals with the particular battle on a personal level (where he lives, what his record is, who hes battled or lost too can all be personal towards him)

Anyways, I'd hate to write you a book so I'll try and feed ya drops when possible to help you elevate. If you have any questions about any of the stuff I talked about then hit me up in a PM. I'd be glad to go over wit you.

1

[Grim]

you don't have to count my vote but i'm being impartial here....JACK pretty much said it all...MURK took each category and only missed with one punch...money you DO need to add to your lines...with limited bars you need to get at your oppenent as much as pssible to gat all you can out of the few lines you have...step up wordplay and nameplay bro...respect

[Kuhlerblynd]

To clarify, Ive only watched gay porn if two bitches were in it lol

[Alvin]

Thread Closed and Records Updated.

Murk McNasty wins 3-0, KO