6 bars i just wrote... iguess i should call it poorness

[T-Stylez]

I know.. short lines... lol!

Cuz bush is lying-more and trying-war
Parents crying-for the kids dying-poor
See-a-kid she-is-with shadow-only
She will grow-lonely her dad-died
Nothing but a sad-side in girls-mind
cuz the worlds-blind what we-making
she's-breaking, a dead-creation
and instead-frustration she desires-dying
remember when she requires-trying
Better-to-go can't let her-n-grow
Cuz the time-aint-good
this kind of crime-really-should STOP!

[Stina]

eh .. it was alright in my opinion.
wasnt diggin on the short lines as much
sowwy

[T-Stylez]

thanks for the feed. And yea i did short lines, dunno why, normally they are longer lol!

Thansk anyway;)

[Lawgix]

not really a correct use of multies... lines too short... no structure that i see... keep workin on it tho...

[T-Stylez]

yea i was just tryin to use short lines, imma make good lines next time.

Thanks for the feed

[Ambiguous Realm]

wow stina actually posted something.. so much for that lol

umm.. it started ok i guess.. but then just went down hill ...not only was it extremely short bars... but they lacked alot of effort in wat WAS done...my advice towards dropping short pieces... just dont lol.. unless u actually plan to add on to it later on or somethin.. (not too much later)... however this piece shouldn't be added on to.. i personally didn't like it at all

[134282]

I concur with all the feedback given hitherto, but I think the topic idea is great and you should stick with it...