feed it

[LadySam]

just a tiny verse. coz i havent dropped in a while. feedback plz

so much ambition, a mass of determination
ready to take on a nation, prepare for some demonstration
a vivid picture in my mind, of my future presence
happiness, triumph and devotion surrounds my excessive subsistence
my aspiration is asphyxiant (sp), too big to resist it
charisma is vindicated, i do things alone, im not influenced into it
dont preapare me a casket cause my remains will breath evermore
immortality, its my nationality ill never be burried beneath these floors

eternity-sleeps-tonight-harle-ft-complexity-vt5463.html

[134282]

You started off and ended nicely, but the middle is atrocious...

Excessive subsistence...? Happiness, triumph and devotion surround too much life...?

Asphyxiant...? You aspire to choke...?

Charisma is vindicated...? Your charm has been cleared from any suspicion or accusation of wrong-doing...?

This stuff didn't even rhyme, let alone make sense. Keep it simple and focus on the topic.

[LadySam]

excessive subsistence, i used it as, like, overly living, which linked to immortality.

asphyxiant, i used as an adjective. suffocating.

charisma is vindicated. the influences of others is not to blame.


anywhoos thanks for the feed =)

[134282]

excessive subsistence, i used it as, like, overly living, which linked to immortality.

asphyxiant, i used as an adjective. suffocating.

charisma is vindicated. the influences of others is not to blame.

1. Next time, just say immortality. Excessive subsistence doesn't, in any way, correlate to living forever.

2. Your aspiration is suffocating...? And it's too big to resist it...? Resist what...?

3. The influence of other people is irreproachable in the clearing of your charisma...? What...?!?

All of these are lame cop-outs. I'm not trying to diss, but none of this made any sense - and your subsequent explanations made them even worse. Stick to what you know.

[LadySam]

lol i wouldnt use the words if i didnt know what they meant. the aspiration is suffacting, too big to resist is. its so big its suffocating and its also too big u cant resist it. i understand you dont understand the verse, so lets keep it at that. ill blame that on the way i wrote it. seriously, constructive criticism i can handle, arrogrance is something i cant stand. 'not dissing' offcourse. thanks for the feed.

[RH1NO]

too big its so big its suffocating and its also too big u cant resist it. .

^^ THATS WHAT SHE SAID...lmao, j/k

i though it was ok better than some of your other drops

i do think you may be forcing it a bit but i see your elevation

with each verse you dropso dont let fags that dropped 1 verse

in scriptures stir you up .....keep droppin n stay up

[LadySam]

thanks dude

[134282]

Sam, if arrogance was the worst thing you encountered in the rap game, you'd be one lucky lady.

so dont let fags that dropped 1 verse

in scriptures stir you up .....keep droppin n stay up

LOL... Looks like someone's got a hard on for me. Way to go, Hippo; hate on the new guy because he's better than you and actually has the balls to give real, constructive criticism, instead of pussy shit like "nice drop", so that you don't get crushed the next time you post something.

[RH1NO]

fuck off novice

[LadySam]

lol, mate i seriously didnt mind what you said, just for the record. just disagreed with it.

[134282]

fuck off novice

LOL, awesome...! How funny that mere words can incite such ire in another person over the Internet.

[Typeo]

just a tiny verse. coz i havent dropped in a while. feedback plz

so much ambition, a mass of determination

Ambition, the wanton need or desire, giving forth determination to do something

ready to take on a nation, prepare for some demonstration

ready to take on a nation - showing how much she is behind it. Then, 'prepare for some demonstration' shes gonna show you something. Ingenius you couldn't figure that out.

a vivid picture in my mind, of my future presence

To quote an old saying - 'you must visualize it for it to come true' like when you swing a fucking bat, wow you are a smart one 134282

happiness, triumph and devotion surrounds my excessive subsistence

All these things listed are what give way to her subsistence, her being.

my aspiration is asphyxiant (sp), too big to resist it

The aspiration she has is suffocating, its overwhelming, a great power...and you couldn't figure that out 134282?...Too big to resist it - meaning that she can't fight back her aspirations, so she gives into them.

charisma is vindicated, i do things alone, im not influenced into it

charisma, due to her aspiration, is set free. She is able to go on her own, she isn't 'peer pressured' into it.

dont preapare me a casket cause my remains will breath evermore

Shes immortal due to what she has left behind, breathing evermore. No need for a casket...get it 134282?

immortality, its my nationality ill never be burried beneath these floors

This might be the most confusing line, and even then its not. All nations believe they are immortal, that they won't be taken down. But I guess either you're a peace loving tree hugging hippy, or a fucking pussy if you don't think that there is some sort of common grounds based behind that saying.

All I have to say, is you're a fucking dumbass 134282. If you think you have any idea or concept behind how a verse should be written then you should actually put forth some kind of perception behind more than one single lil bullshit idea to what something means.

Go back to jerking off over gangster rappers like 50 Cent. Fucking pathetic.

[LadySam]

i was actually quite surprised he didnt get it. being such a learned person, which is what i assumed

[Street Pharmacist]

i like this little peace it was good it wasnt ur best u ever wrote
but u gettin betta keep it up.

fav lines VV

a vivid picture in my mind, of my future presence
happiness, triumph and devotion surrounds my excessive subsistence


dont preapare me a casket cause my remains will breath evermore
immortality, its my nationality ill never be burried beneath these floors

[*.HarleQuin.*]

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