ya'll heard of this dude?

[drunken jesus]

Jonathan Lee Riches

http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/ ... its_1.html

Not only has Riches been admirably diverse in his defendant selection, but his claims have the creative flair of Mad Libs on acid. On July 16, for instance, he filed a complaint alleging that the Mossad, the CIA and "Larry King Live" conspired to "hijack my torso, three toes, and my constitutional rights and ship them to a secret headquarters in Concord, NH," as well as inserted microchips and "dashing my hopes." He accuses Larry King of being "a voodoo witch doctor who stole my identity on February 25th, 2003 and purchased lead paint, Chips Ahoy!, Planter's Peanuts, and Ziploc bags under my identity. Distributed them to the CIA to microwave test my DNA."

In August Riches has focused his energies on "extracting justice" from the world of high-profile athletes who, if you believe his allegations, have done some pretty incredible things. Michael Vick, Wayne Gretzky, Michael Jordan, Joe Montana, Tony Montana (the character in "Scarface," not some distant relative of Joe), Mickey Mantle and Allen Iverson "failed to build a anti-UFO defense system at FCI Williamsburg," and "broke into Watergate in the 1970's... fought in the Battle of Hastings 1066 with the Duke of Normandy" and "picked on [him] in high school" by tying his shoes together and stealing his lunch money "to purchase performance-enhancing drugs."

You might say that he showed some restraint in his Aug. 14 "Batman and Identity Robbin'" suit against Barry Bonds. Although he accuses the Giants slugger of selling steroids to nuns, bench-pressing him "against [his] will" and using "Hank Aaron's corked bat" to "crack the Liberty Bell," he seeks a only modest "42,000,000.00 million dollars in Swiss Francs." According to Riches, Bonds also "gave mustard gas to Saddam Hussein, as part of the oil for food scandal."


hahahahahaha

[Dead Silence]

WTF?!

[SlickMex]

LOL