Shark Attack!

Momeijah · Post by **Momeijah** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:40 pm

Whole Thing's a Big Metaphor, Enjoy.

When Unprovoked, He's Usually-Calm ..||
Crushing His Victims Without Using-His-Palms ..||
Cruising-Aplomb, Moving-Along ..||
Bringer Of Death Without Fusing-a-Bomb ..||
Ruthless-in-Action, Pursuing-His-Passion ..||
Confusing-Attraction, immune-To-Distraction ..||
Not Losing-Reaction, Driven-By-instinct ..||
The World's an Ocean, This-is-The-Big-Fish ..||
if Blood Triggers One-Of-His-Senses ..||
ur Running-Defenceless, Ducking-Offences ..||
Completely Trapped u Ain't Jumpin-The-Fences ..||
Can't Be Reasoned With He's Fucking-Relentless ..||
in The Shallows, in-The-Deep ..||
Anywhere He Gets-His-Meat ..||
u See Him Coming, Quick-Retreat ..||
He Sees ur Flesh, ur Bit-With-Teeth ..||
That Are Sharper Than a Diamond-Head ..||
Attracted To That Fiery-Red ..||
That is Blood, it's Dire-u-Dread ..||
To See, Cuz it Means 'Now-ur-Dead' ..||
Provoke Him, He Chooses-To-Punish ..||
u Had ur Weapons Now ur Losing-ur-Luggage ..||
Just When u Think He's Snoozing-And-Sluggish ..||
He Strikes, And ur Left Abused-Like-ur-Rubbish ..||
Gather Weapons, u Think The Odds-Are-Against-Him ..||
u Could Be God, But Couldn't Stop-His-Preemption ..||
an ideal Predator, Always On Top-Of-Those ..||
Who Challenge Him, His Name is Domino ..||

tramatik-double-fl-come-back-home-vt7242.html

Momeijah · Post by **Momeijah** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:41 pm

Man i Just Noticed i Coulda Made a Line With 'Caught-His-Attention' in it. Ah Well i Might Redo One Day.

MesaR · Post by **MesaR** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 3:55 pm

this topic was pretty cool, you killed it in some bars metaphore's were ill whole way through

When Unprovoked, He's Usually-Calm ..||
Crushing His Victims Without Using-His-Palms ..||

^ solid
Cruising-Aplomb, Moving-Along ..||
Bringer Of Death Without Fusing-a-Bomb ..||

^ getting the msg across. good good.
Ruthless-in-Action, Pursuing-His-Passion ..||
Confusing-Attraction, immune-To-Distraction ..||

^ dope, one of my fav bars here
Not Losing-Reaction, Driven-By-instinct ..||
The World's an Ocean, This-is-The-Big-Fish ..||

^ Sketchy Multis, Nice Thought's though.

if Blood Triggers One-Of-His-Senses ..||
ur Running-Defenceless, Ducking-Offences ..||

Meh.. Alright Not As good as your other bars
Completely Trapped u Ain't Jumpin-The-Fences ..||
Can't Be Reasoned With He's Fucking-Relentless ..||

^ another solid bar, multi was abit forced in first line tho

in The Shallows, in-The-Deep ..||
Anywhere He Gets-His-Meat ..||

lol, basic..
u See Him Coming, Quick-Retreat ..||
He Sees ur Flesh, ur Bit-With-Teeth ..||

^ yep not a bad bar
That Are Sharper Than a Diamond-Head ..||
Attracted To That Fiery-Red ..||
That is Blood, it's Dire-u-Dread ..||
To See, Cuz it Means 'Now-ur-Dead' ..||

lol nice .. i like the rhymescheme to..

Provoke Him, He Chooses-To-Punish ..||
u Had ur Weapons Now ur Losing-ur-Luggage ..||
Just When u Think He's Snoozing-And-Sluggish ..||
He Strikes, And ur Left Abused-Like-ur-Rubbish ..||
Gather Weapons, u Think The Odds-Are-Against-Him ..||
u Could Be God, But Couldn't Stop-His-Preemption ..||

Some Multis here are abit forced but thats ok since u used like 5 ..
an ideal Predator, Always On Top-Of-Those ..||
Who Challenge Him, His Name is Domino ..||

weak ending .

overall i thought this was dope, if u worded some of the weaker bars better this could have been fire.. worth tha read though.. can u leave feed on my drop ' FUCK SAW ' ?

Haz · Post by **Haz** » Wed Dec 05, 2007 12:10 am

This was Pretty Sick..

The Multi bar i Enjoyed the most wus
Ruthless-in-Action, Pursuing-His-Passion ..||
Confusing-Attraction, immune-To-Distraction ..||

Momeijah · Post by **Momeijah** » Wed Dec 05, 2007 9:52 am

Yeah Thanks For The Feed. This is My 1st Time Trying This Style, From Listening To Metal Where They Write a Lot Of Songs Like This. (Eg. 'Don't Tread On Me' By Metallica - The Song is About America But All The Lyrics Are About a Snake, Sick Metaphor, Read The Lyrics).

Anyway Sequence ive Said Like 100 Times That All The Multis i Use Rhyme in My Accent. 'Jumpin The Fences' isn't Forced, Think About it. There's No fences To Jump in The Ocean u Just Gtta Swim (And Eventually Get Eaten). i Can't Be Bothered Explaining All The Multis And How They Rhyme in My Accent But Just Giving u a Heads Up.

ill Leave Feed On ur Drop Later, The Name Sounds Like Some Horrorcore Bullshit Though Haha.

Thanks For The Feed All, Uppin.

Momeijah · Post by **Momeijah** » Wed Dec 05, 2007 9:53 am

Also, Relevant Lol.

Glamtrash · Post by **Glamtrash** » Thu Dec 06, 2007 10:40 pm

This piece is pretty sick..Well written, lots of multis...Considering it's your first shot at this style, it's really good.

When Unprovoked, He's Usually-Calm ..||
Crushing His Victims Without Using-His-Palms ..||
Cruising-Aplomb, Moving-Along ..||
Bringer Of Death Without Fusing-a-Bomb ..||
Ruthless-in-Action, Pursuing-His-Passion ..||
Confusing-Attraction, immune-To-Distraction ..||
Not Losing-Reaction,
^^
Good shit.

~Symbolikull~ · Post by **~Symbolikull~** » Fri Dec 07, 2007 3:56 am

nicely done buddy, i liked it all the way thru, kept me interestin and the endin was pretty cool too only bad thing in the verse is it tended to lead off somewhere that it was goin to me anyways

Shark Attack!

Shark Attack!

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