State Of Emergency

[MesaR]

Sirens Sirens *

a topic complexity did i think, Quick Peice Done in about 20 mins

Walking Around Like A Dime-Piece, Then Her You Hear Some Shit-Pop..
Laying Down, A ' Time-Freeze ' Then You See A Couple Of Clips-Drop..
Blanked Out, Now Your Awake Stunned Seeing An Emergency-Table..
this surgerys-fatal?, Ethier way.Temperaly Scared, Or Permantly-Disabled ...
Im Buried In This Room, Family Here, Hoping Iv'e Said-Something ..
Hoping I Can Talk, Because Past Conversations Have Meant-Nothing..
Asking For 1 More Day, Cant Helping Looking Up in The Space-N-Sky..
Now Its Kinda Ironic Tha Same Place Ya Born, Is Tha Same Place-U-Die..

[LadySam]

this was ok, i dont think it was anything special.
your getting better though, i say that all the time i know haha
but its because im very proud of you! hahaha
fav bit

Im Buried In This Room, Family Here, Hoping Iv'e Said-Something ..
Hoping I Can Talk, Because Past Conversations Have Meant-Nothing..

good job little boy

[Glamtrash]

This piece was okay....Not my favoutite though.

[complexity]

Walking Around Like A Dime-Piece, Then Her You Hear Some Shit-Pop..
Laying Down, A ' Time-Freeze ' Then You See A Couple Of Clips-Drop..

I think, this was the most vivid and my favorite bar.

Blanked Out, Now Your Awake Stunned Seeing An Emergency-Table..
this surgerys-fatal?, Ethier way.Temperaly Scared, Or Permantly-Disabled ...

Decent

Im Buried In This Room, Family Here, Hoping Iv'e Said-Something ..
Hoping I Can Talk, Because Past Conversations Have Meant-Nothing..

A little emotion but not enough.

Asking For 1 More Day, Cant Helping Looking Up in The Space-N-Sky..
Now Its Kinda Ironic Tha Same Place Ya Born, Is Tha Same Place-U-Die..

You need to elaborate on that last bar. The bar before it didn't explain it well enough.
Besides if you meant earth.

------------------------------
I don't know, if you completely understood my topic. The backwards story one, but I do like
the spin you put on it.

And this wasn't that great, but it was also worth the read.

[B-Bear]

Yeah, agree with plex on that last bar.. but it's a good ending tho.. it's way too short.. should've writtin at least 5-6 bars more, it becomes more of a lightweighter, then really something that made an impression.. the best bars were the starter and the closer.. fill in some extra bars and repost it..

[complexity]

Yah, dude, I want to see him write a full sixteen that would be cool.